I’ve been thinking about this a lot the past few days…. I do talk about myself in the third person sometimes, especially when writing in my journal, and I am very curious as to two things. 1 – does anyone else do this? and 2 – what does this stem from? Why does my brain/mind sometimes choose to ignore or diminish its own existence? What is the coping mechanism at play here, because I have this sneaking suspicion that this is not a “normal” thing.
Tag: #thoughts
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I disagree with this idea, for a couple of reasons.
First, it defies logic. 1+1 does not equal 1, unless we’re talking about one sperm and one egg joining to create an embryo. But in that case, the sperm and the egg each only have half the genetic material necessary to create an embryo, so that situation is actually 0.5 + 0.5 =1, which makes sense.
Now, since we are each born as a whole being, that means we are complete on our own. Any completeness that someone may be seeking will only be found within themselves, not from any external thing or entity.
I believe this idea started in Greek mythology, and humans were said to be these strange beings with 4 arms, 4 legs and two faces….Even now, the mental image of this is bizarre and difficult to comprehend… Anyway, for whatever reason, Zeus got a bug up his ass, split all the humans, scattered them, and we were then doomed to roam the earth in search of our other half. Nice story, but I don’t buy it.
I just wonder why we’ve held on to this idea, why we curse ourselves generation after generation with this delusion that we are incomplete without this elusive counterpart. Why do we not instead think of ourselves as intact from the get go, and view relationships to/with others as ways to accentuate our qualities and experience things in life?
I also wonder where the world would be by now if had it been populated the whole time with people who knew their entire lives that they were complete as they were? A bunch of people searching only for experiences and things they are passionate about, not someone to make them whole or worthy as a result of that wholeness. How much happier would humanity be?
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What do you enjoy most about writing?
Where to start here? I know the question is limited to a single answer because it says, “what do you enjoy most“, but you have to evaluate the options first, right?
Writing can be an emotional outlet, first and foremost, and though I may not “enjoy” the process of a particular emotional release, I love that writing provides that for me. And then, I can enjoy or appreciate what I have written after the fact, so there is that.
Writing can be a beautiful form of communication, sometimes portraying things that the spoken word simply doesn’t allow for due to the immediate nature of that form of communication. You can’t say something, reach out, erase the words that you blurted out, and replace them with something else. With writing, you can; you can take your time and edit a piece until it’s just right.
Writing has dualistic qualities that I admire. It can be soft or harsh, painfully direct or compassionately subtle, immensely complex or incredibly simple – it all depends on the context and needs of the situation. Writing can be a vessel for nuance and undertone, and the interpretation of that depends on the reader. That’s why it is important to know your audience, I suppose.
Writing also supplies a hard copy back up of your thoughts, your feelings, your ideas and explorations. Speaking about these things can be great, but it can also be forgotten or mis-remembered. Writing, at least for me, provides a snapshot of the truth of my existence at any given point, and can also provide a robust history of that truth over the years.
What it boils down to is that I enjoy using writing in a variety of ways, and it always delivers. Writing is an extremely adaptable, completely dependable thing to have in your life.
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I have a bunch of random inspirations, ideas half formed that I want to turn into interesting pieces going down various rabbit holes. But, there is something more interesting to me at the moment that I want to explore, and that is the idea of anger. I’ve written before that Anger is a gift, and that anger is actually rooted in self-preservation.
If these things are true, which I believe they are – why, then, do some people have such a hard time dealing with anger, attempting to stifle it rather than let it serve its purpose?
In some cases, it’s truly a case of “this is not the time”, which is fine – it is actually impressive in some situations that people recognize that. In other cases, we try to spare the feelings of whomever we are mad at, which could be questionable depending on the circumstances. In other cases, a person is taught that having “negative” emotions of any kind is bad, wrong, not acceptable, or flat out dangerous in terms of their own safety. This, in my opinion, is the wrong approach. Anger, just like any emotion, is valid and acceptable, discounting cases of anger being the excuse for abuse. That just makes you an asshole who can’t deal with their emotions or control their actions. But, I digress.
In this last case, why do we, as a society, tell people that an emotion that stems from a need to protect ourselves from some threat is bad? Why do we not, instead, teach people how to properly express or experience anger and teach them appropriate, safe, and effective ways to deal with it? Why do we assign any objective value to a subjective experience? Sadness or anger or grief or whatever the case is, are not inherently negative, though it does suck to experience them. Why do we attempt to stop what the person is feeling rather than allow them to feel it, process it, and then let it go in time? Or simply sit with them in the thick of the sludge until they are ready and then help them to find a way to climb out, clean off, and move on?
I think perhaps it’s because these “negative” emotions make people uncomfortable for some reason. Maybe they’re not healed themselves, or they have a good handle on dealing with their own emotions but are uncomfortable with sitting with someone going through an emotional shit storm of their own. I don’t know. But, it may be helpful to look to animals to answer this question. Animals have emotions just like we do. If you don’t believe that, you lack a soul. Just sayin.
Anyway – back to what I was saying. I have three dogs. Two of them are brothers, and before they were neutered, went after each other sometimes. Over food, over attention, or because one of them just got a bug up their ass and was cranky that day. But, one is devastated and lost if the other leaves without them (like to the vet), and any random 20 seconds of teeth baring, growling, ferocious interaction is forgotten within minutes. They recognize something that I think a lot of us don’t – emotions serve a purpose and should be experienced/expressed, but are transient in the sense that the immediate anger does not negate the fact that they love each other. As humans, we tend to think too much. “I’m mad, and if I tell this person I am mad at them, they will hate me, or think I’m a bad person, or don’t love them” or whatever. The dog thought process? “Hey, that’s my human, get away! Fuck you! *growling/snarling, etc* oh, ok, we’re good now. wanna sniff some poop and then go cuddle on the couch?” Seriously, how did we let these big frontal cortexes of ours interfere with something so beautiful and natural?
I have said before, and experienced plenty of times, that the only way to get through an emotion and let it go is to go through it. Or, in more familiar terms, “the only way out is through.” It really is true. If you allow yourself to feel something – no matter what it is – it will have its moment of occupying space and time in your mind, and then move on to whatever is next in its ethereal existence. Trying to suppress emotions only forces them to find other ways to have the effect they were meant to have, and makes it that much more intense to deal with when you are forced to. And I promise, you will be forced to at some point.
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Random memory time!!
I was…. 11, maybe 12?
I had been running up the stairs, fell, and smacked my shin against the hard wood stairs. We gave it a couple of days to heal, and as the pain and my ability to walk got worse, my parents decided to take me to the emergency room.
The only thing I knew at that point was that going to the ER was a big deal. In all of my very well earned, 11-year-old wisdom, I went downstairs while my mom was getting dressed and my dad was in the shower. I propped my leg up on the deep freezer we had in the kitchen, stifling my pain. I then proceeded to beat the crap out of my injured leg with my fist. I had to make sure that this was worthy of an ER visit.
I wound up being diagnosed with a hematoma (fancy name for a bruise, though they vary in severity), was on crutches for six weeks, and still have an indentation in my shin bone, which I am quite sure was not caused by my fist0.
So yeah, there’s that.
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Why is it that people engage in behavior that hurts them in response to
behavior from others that also hurt them?Everyone has been there or witnessed it. You’ve been wronged by, pissed off by, or neglected/ignored by someone you care about. You reach for junk food. Or booze. Or drugs. Or a knife/razor blade. Or any other self-destructive coping mechanism, including simply shutting down. All of these things are harmful to you. You – the person you’re trying to protect or comfort or calm – this hurts you. Again. And it does nothing to address the problem. And contrary to the very emotionally inspired “I’ll show them!” mentality….it does nothing at all to vindicate or validate you.
I get it. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. Repeatedly. But that realization is pretty profound. Why the hell would I hurt myself in an effort to get back at someone who hurt me? That makes absolutely no fucking sense. I am a rational person; logic is a good friend of mine. I am incredibly baffled by the fact that I thought this way – for a very long time – and never realized the horrible logic involved!
I know what it is to be stuck there, and feel like this is your way out. But what if – just for shits and giggles here – we take a second to stop, and ask ourselves what we really want and if what we’re about to do will accomplish that goal? That is an immense ask, I know. But for anyone struggling with this kinda thing – take a second, whether in the moment or not, and ask yourself these questions. The answer may change you.
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That’s fine, keep knowing shit, rock on!
But if you don’t know, don’t act like you do. Don’t tell someone – with gusto – that their idea or thought is wrong or can’t be done, and then give them some dumb ass, non-answer answers when they question why so that they can understand for now and in the future. This makes them question further, and you would save time, energy, and frustration for both parties if you simply fucking admit that you don’t know.
It is absolutely fine not to know. Be ok with that fact, and push yourself to learn more. It is much more detrimental to pretend that you know rather than admit you don’t. You can solve lack of knowledge. You can’t solve ignorance or ego.
Oh, and this especially applies to you acting like you know based on any sort of assumption about other people’s thoughts or actions (that you haven’t witnessed).
Today’s lesson: Pretending that you know? Asshole. Admitting that you don’t know? Exemplary human being.
That is all. Have a wonderful evening!
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To start, some lyrics…
People are people
People are strange
But most of all, people – speaking en masse here – are ignorant, selfish beings that literally drain life from everything. I can’t stand “people”, this is a fact. “People” are why things like war or poverty or violent intolerance or any number of horrible things exist in the first place. “People” suck, plain and simple.
Individuals, however, I can appreciate. Individuals can be kind, compassionate, helpful, willing to at least try to understand opposing views. Individuals can also have bad days where maybe they’re not as kind or forgiving as they truly are. Shit happens, I get that, I’ve done that.
I just had an interesting interaction with the dude at the convenience store. He said, “when someone is ‘people-ing’, I try to just let it go because I don’t know their story or what they’re dealing with with”. I like that. It’s similar to a good person having an “asshole-esque” moment. Sometimes, individuals have “people-esque” moments.
That said, don’t be an asshole. And don’t be a people.
I hope you have a beautiful day!
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Dogs are the best, seriously. You could be a sobbing, crying mess, screaming into a pillow and they will crowd around you, tails wagging, not knowing what’s going on but trying their best to make it ok by leaning on you and giving you kisses. There is nothing better in life than that kind of love.
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How many voices to most people have in their mind?
I’m not talking about people with schizophrenia or whatever other mental health issues can cause you to hear voices and such. That’s a different situation than, and I hate to use this word, “normal” people.
At times in my life, and even currently, I’ve definitely had more than one. Different facets of my personality that have input as to what is going on in my life, and how I should handle it. I suppose that could just be me arguing with myself, but it seems that the different voice has its own outlook, priorities, etc. And, it could be that this is just a perception thing. I see it as different voices, because I make a distinction between the parts of me that have different needs or wants for whatever reason, and other people just see it as arguing with themselves.
Either way, I am truly curious about this. Do most people in the world have an inner monologue or an inner dialogue? If the latter, what does this dialogue sound like, who wins whichever argument, and is this a constant state of affairs for them?
A Peculiar Cerebral Tangle 