“ ‘Almost’ only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades and atom bombs.”
Simple statement, yet profound.
My dad told me this after I had been doing something, had not finished, and made the excuse that I almost finished but got tired of working on it, so I quit. He didn’t elaborate, just let me think about it. I wound up finishing whatever it was. I’ve since come to equate “almost” with “half-assed” for an abandoned project.
How many times have you accepted “almost” from others? Or, more importantly, from yourself?
I’m not the type of person to have tons of friends, I never have been. I have a small circle, and I like it that way.
My small circle and I have a problem. We all suck. We sometimes go months without hanging out or even talking, and every time we do talk, we say “I miss you! It’s been too long! We should hang out more!”. We muse about what we’re going to do “next time” and the fun we will have. Good times! Then, the moment passes, we part ways, and everyday life resumes her stranglehold. Weeks and months go by until we do it all over again. Vicious cycle.
I’d just like to point out that I’m saying that everyone sucks. Almost everyone is guilty of this with their friends, and maybe even with family. Too often, we let the everyday stuff get in the way of the truly important things. The connections that we have with people add so much more value to our lives than checking off to do list items.
Upon rereading my initial post, I realize that there may be an issue with my terminology. At several points, I used the terms “reason” and “root cause” as if they were interchangeable. They are definitely related, but in this context, I am not exactly sure that they are synonymous. Let’s go to my favorite book of all time – the dictionary.
According to Merriam-Webster, there are four main definitions for the word reason:
Within the third, we find the word “cause”. We’ll get into that in a minute. What strikes me for the word reason is the second definition – “a rational ground or motive”. I think this is what most of us are referring to when we talk about a reason for something. Life in particular as it relates to this discussion. We want to know what motive existence or our deity of choice had for putting us on this planet. We want a justification for our lives and the events in it. We want to know why.
Moving on to “root cause”. Oddly enough, root cause is not in the dictionary, at least not Merriam-Webster. So, we look at each part. First, cause. It is something that “brings about an effect or a result”. Second, we look at root. Now, there are several definitions depending on the field of interest, but if you look at the third definition, you see this:
What strikes me here is the first definition – the origin or source. That’s what’s being referred to when we say “the root cause”. We want to know the initial logical relationship that caused a particular event.
So, let’s take a step back. It is, apparently, impossible to define the words “reason” and “root cause” without getting into some pretty ridiculous circular logic. They are related terms, but I still think that they are not quite synonymous, because a reason carries (or can carry) an emotional connotation to it, whereas root cause – not so much. Root cause is logical. I think that distinction is what was nagging me when I reread that initial post.
I guess what it boils down to for this discussion is, what are we actually looking for? The root cause is pretty easy, it’s science. Sperm and egg get together, and voilà, human life. Events are just as easy to explain. They are logical relationships to previous events.
But the reason – the justification – is what I’m looking for. Is there a justification for human life, or is it truly random and therefore meaningless?
I actually misheard a song lyric a while back, but what I thought I heard actually sparked an interesting set of thoughts in my mind.
There is a distinct difference between saying that someone “can’t” do something and saying that they “don’t” do something.
If someone can’t do something, they lack the knowledge, ability, or skills to do so. For example, I can’t frame out a building. It’s a simple fact. I would have no clue how to do it properly.
If someone doesn’t do something, it may be that they are perfectly capable of whatever task or action; they simply choose not to. For example, I am capable of being a salesperson, but I made a choice not to do so as my profession.
I think more people need to realize and appreciate that in some (if not many) cases, a person is nice or good because they choose to be, not because they lack the ability to be mean or rude or even violent.
It’s an important fact to remember – you never truly know what someone might be capable of. Just because they don’t does ~not~ mean that they can’t.
I don’t spend much time on social media, but I’ve seen the comments section on some posts full of argumentative nonsense. If – and that’s a very big IF – I comment on someone’s post, I have a few criteria for said comment before doing so.
Questions that must have an affirmative answer:
Will it make the person who posted the original thing smile/laugh?
Will it comfort the person who posted the original thing?
Does it provide verifiable information that I have to someone who doesn’t have that information?
Questions that must have negative answer:
Will it create or add to drama or other such bullshit? (i.e. – would I be arguing with someone just to argue rather than having an intelligent conversation?)
Is it flat out mean? (Sarcasm on friend’s posts doesn’t count, they know me)
And that’s pretty much it. Just sharing for the hell of it.
A person will come into your life and make jail time seem like an acceptable consequence for actions you really want to take. Like punching them in the face. Because they’re being dumb. Or an asshole. Or a dumb asshole.
I came across something the other day, and I was baffled by it….
First off, I don’t know if the bit about Tolkien is legit. That’s a potential investigation for a different day. Secondly, I was always a very good student, and I don’t remember ~ever~ being taught this order of adjectives, at least not explicitly. I mean, was this an actual thing and I just completely forgot but continued to utilize it on a daily basis? Or was it perhaps a more subtle, obscure teaching that nobody ever talks about? An unspoken rule?
I went digging. A web search offers lots of results – Grammarly, Khan Academy, Wikipedia, etc – a glance through the results list lead me to the Cambridge Dictionary site. Granted, it is British origin, but that’s where US English started, so that works for me as a starting point. Check this out: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/grammar/british-grammar/adjectives-order
Where did this required order come from? What’s the logic behind it? Who decided? Why was I never given a chance to question or argue the fact that I can have a beautiful big round metal table but that having a round metal big beautiful table is completely unheard of?! (For the record, writing that sentence was ridiculously awkward!)
Does the former of the two statements “sound” better? Yes. But why? Is it just because that order is what we’re used to? Why was this rule established? How is it that just about everyone who speaks English adheres to this rule, but no one can explain it? Why don’t people talk about it? Is it because the “order” is arbitrary and has no logic behind it? I am curious. I wish I could talk to my English 102 professor. He was hardcore into the language. He actually forbade anyone from using colloquial terms in his class because it disgusted him, as he considered informal terms to be a disservice to the language. He might know the answer, but I have no idea if or how I can contact him at this point.
Either way, it was a long day, and I’m tired, so this will have to sit on the mental back burner for now. Until then, have a wonderful evening!
This post was inspired by a conversation with my aunt. She sent me a picture of a giant guitar pick that had the words “Music is what feelings sound like” on it, which is an absolutely factual statement. I may not be able to explain to you what I’m feeling at a particular moment, but I can pretty much guarantee you that there is a song (or in some cases, a playlist) that can make you understand. (I mean, hasn’t anyone ever made a mixed tape for their crush?! Seriously!) And it’s not just the lyrics. Musical composition has ~a lot~ to do with it too.
I got to thinking about it, and I wondered where this obsession with music and its deep connection to emotions came from for me. I’ve said for the longest time that music keeps me sane, but it’s more than that. I can literally name three albums that saved my life over the years. But, I digress.
It hit me – Fantasia. The Disney movie released in 1940. Before my parents were even a glimmer in someone’s eye, much less me! This movie is how I became obsessed with the emotional essence that is infused into a song. It is a complex relationship that is hard to explain but easy to experience. I don’t remember how old I was the first time I saw Fantasia, but I remember watching it many times when I was a kid. I would even ask my mom if I could watch it when I was home from school because I was sick. There are no words in this movie aside from the intermission, just music. When Mickey screws up, did something he shouldn’t have, and shit starts going wrong, that music puts you on the edge of your seat, feeling the fear and dread that you could see Mickey dealing with too. I was hooked.
And the entire movie was like that! From the pegasus – hold on, side note – what’s the plural of pegasus? Is it just pegasus, similar to moose and moose, or is it pegusi like octopi for octopus? Anyway, from the pegasus flying around, the dancing flowers and mushrooms, to the little baby satyrs and unicorns being mischievous. All of it was so emotional, but without a single word. It is beautiful. It is powerful. Music has held that power since, for me, at least. And I am so grateful for that, because it gives me a chance to experience a life that much richer.
I like to read. At one point, I was definitely a bookworm. I get so wrapped up in whatever I am reading, the whole world just disappears from my awareness. It doesn’t matter if it’s fiction or not. If it grabs my attention, good luck getting me to do anything but read until I am done with it.
When I was reading one of Robert Jordan’s The Wheel of Time books, my favorite character died. I was so invested in the story, I could see each scene and hear every conversation in my mind. I would try to get into the characters’ minds and figure out what they were thinkin, what their motivations were, and what they would do next. When I read that paragraph, and saw the death of my favorite character in my mind, I was devastated. I literally threw the book across the room and have not picked up that series since.
I saw something earlier today that basically said that you can’t skip chapters of your life just because they are painful or difficult or you don’t like them. You have to read the whole book, cover to cover. If your life were a book, you couldn’t throw it across the room if you got upset at a plot twist. This brings up two things in my mind. First – I should maybe restart that series and power through my emotional reaction to my favorite character’s demise and give the rest of the characters a chance to finish their stories in my head. Second – bad chapters or events you don’t like don’t ruin the whole experience of a book. The same applies to life. You have to finish your story regardless. Might as well look forward to what’s waiting on the next page. Who knows? It could be a great plot twist….
Observing life from a remote perspective and from a place where bullshit and antics can’t get to you is a really interesting feeling. It’s a skill I’d like to develop. Based on what I’ve experienced of it so far, I like it.
I have always been a pretty calm person. Even in some of the most fucked up situations, I kept my cool and did what had to be done. I had shit to take care of, people who depend on me, and that came before any emotional, reactionary bullshit. But, once I was alone, everything fell apart. That roller coaster ride is absolutely insane, not to mention fucking exhausting. And let’s not talk about the possibility of developing unhealthy coping mechanisms. Sometimes, those mechanisms could be a shit ton of fun, but definitely not something you’d want to incorporate into daily life.
Lately, I find that I can detach from situations. I notice that I would normally get mad or upset about the situation, but then let that feeling just pass right on through. Like seeing someone you know while driving or walking around town. You wave, they wave. You’ve acknowledged each other, but you continue your separate ways without stopping to interact. But in this case, it’s not a person, it’s emotions. Sometimes, it’s emotion that, normally, would completely fuck up your day. It’s so strange. But liberating.
To be clear, I’m not in any way saying that I have shit all figured out, because I don’t. That’s for damn sure. I have moments of emotion that I can’t just let go of. I have blind rage moments, crushing sadness moments, moments of crippling self-doubt….just like anybody else. This new way of looking at things, though, this new place that my mind can observe things from…I noticed it recently but it really hit me today. It’s not an all day or even every day thing. Still strapped in to that roller coaster for sure. But, I now think there’s actually a way to step off that ride safely. I just have to get to that new place more often. Get the address, go there, set up some furniture, maybe even decorate. Make it somewhere I am comfortable being long term.
A Peculiar Cerebral Tangle 