Sometimes, the energy expenditure involved in being a responsible adult is simply not worth it. 😆
Tag: #random
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As soon as I woke up this morning, the first thing to pop in my head was Hatebreed lyrics. Specifically, a song called Something’s Off. Once I got my morning started and logged into work, I’ve had my Hatebreed collection on shuffle. It’s a nice start to a Monday.
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I saw something the other day that reminded me of the movie Multiplicity, and couldn’t help but wonder…. What would I do if I had a clone?
Now, of course, the movie included some interesting caveats – each clone had a… specialty, I guess? Certain elements of the original being that were heightened – work focus, family focus, whatever. But. What if, in this situation, for hypothetical purposes, the clone was an exact copy of me at the time of the clone’s creation? Would do and say exactly as I would in any given situation? What would I do if I could perfectly duplicate my existence for everyone impacted? And, let’s add in the additional condition that I gain/retain the memory of both me and the clone, so I don’t technically miss out on any given experience, I just don’t have to endure said experience myself. My clone would retain both sets of information as well, for continuity.
Now, if all these conditions were true, and I could gain the experience and insight of my clone’s activities, but still be off doing something else? Holy shit, batman! Bonus life! I would spend all of my time reading and writing, and let my clone experience humanity and the world for me, drawing on this experience for said writing… I mean, how perfect can hypothetical circumstances be?? It would basically be the ability to be in two places at once. I am very intrigued by this idea.
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My favorite thing about snowstorms is the silence.
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I think everyone should have one of these. A list of things you absolutely *must* do, achieve, or experience before you die.
Here are some of the items on my list:
- See the aurora borealis.
- Visit Sandia Crest, NM.
- Skydive.
- Pet a cheetah/tiger/lion or other big cat and listen to them purr.
- Preferably a cheetah, as from what I’ve read, they are the most timid, and therefore and least likely to eat my face while I’m still using it.
- See a wild wolf and look it in the eye.
- Hold/raise/feed a big cat kitten or a wolf pup.
- See a white buffalo in the wild.
- See Alaska and/or a glacier.
- See a night sky from the middle of nowhere and catch a glimpse of how amazing the night sky could be if not for humans.
- Sidebar – see a lunar eclipse on said night of star gazing from the middle of nowhere.
- Determine – with an acceptable degree of certainty – that a single theory I have or have had about the universe is correct. Or, alternatively, determine, with the same degree of certainty, that one of them is incorrect. In any case, I want to know.
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Anxiety is a very real thing for some people, and I’m talking about the type of thing that goes far beyond normal anxious stress about things. This does not refer to the butterflies before a big presentation at work, or the sweaty palms when meeting your crush for dinner. What I’m talking about is the crippling, terror inducing anxiety that effectively renders you useless for any activity that requires rational thought.
I have dealt with that feeling, I have struggled with those kinds of racing, chaotic thoughts that feel like they’re simply going to come flying out of your head for all the world to see and criticize and ridicule. Or that sometimes, feel like they are going to split your head in two and leave you a twitching, spineless pile of goo on the floor. Speaking of, that thought reminds of me of the backpiece I started designing years ago. It is a self-portrait. I am screaming, hands clutching the skin falling off my face as my skull is splitting open and the entire universe is rushing out of the top of my head. I need to get back into drawing again and finish that piece and get it started on skin….
Anyway, I had a point here. Back to that.
I have gotten to a point where I can sometimes use my anxiety as a weapon against itself. For example, at work. I have a tendency to double, triple, quadruple check things. This, of course, is inefficient, and led to missed deadlines and late nights and arguments with my husband and exhaustion and stress and burnout. So, being the problem solver that I am, I asked myself, how can I satisfy my need to check things, but still deliver quality work on time? Simple, really. Do smaller checks more often during the project. Take a firm, concise mental note of each verification, and move on. It really does sound simple, and it really is that simple, but it is hard as hell to see that simplicity when you’re in the middle of a compulsive, anxiety ridden episode. But once you get a feel for it, and more so, learn to trust yourself enough, it really does work. It provides the comfort of checking something multiple times, but it is built into your process, so takes less time than doing multiple big checks at the end, highlighting problems during the project so they can be fixed with less effort.
For a long time, I struggled with OCD. I still have my moments, don’t get me wrong. But one mental health professional told me once, with regard to my obsession for checking things – locks, the stove, the dogs, whatever – take a picture. Literally, take a picture of what you’ve checked with your phone. It will have a timestamp, and is available if you start spiraling downward to remind you that you did what you should have done, even when your mind is screaming that you need to check it yet again. I got to the point that I could take a mental picture of whatever, and be ok. Mind you, this is progression from a written list with checks, circles, boxes and Xs to denote my checks before leaving the house, which would sometimes take upwards of an hour. And now, I take a mental picture, and most times, am fine.
I believe that any problem has a solution, and that any difficulty can be turned on its head and used as a tool. Can’t sleep? Use that time to be productive and reduce your stress level the following day. Can’t focus? Go for a walk, get your steps in, and a change of scenery. Can’t think straight? Draw, or do some stream of consciousness writing. Capitalize on whatever the difficulty is.
And if all else fails, remember to just breathe.
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Why the hell is printer ink so freaking expensive??
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Silence is underestimated.
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There is a Rage Against the Machine song called Freedom that includes, in a quiet moment of the song, the words, “anger is a gift”. This is so true, and I have experienced the subjective truth of that today.
I have been stressing lately; life has just been throwing one ridiculous curveball after another. I was at my breaking point. Another curveball is lobbed my way and smacks me in the nose. I got pissed. I was white hot, livid. I don’t usually get like that. Ever. I mean, the dogs were walking slowly around me with their ears back and heads down because, I imagine, the rage was actually palpable. I put in my headphones and started blasting some angry music while taking care of what needed to be done, stewing in my hatred for life at this point. 10 minutes…. 20 minutes…. An hour has gone by now, and I feel calmer than I have in weeks. I apologized to the dogs and told them I love them.
I suppose there is something to be said for actually sitting with your emotions for a while and just letting them exist without trying to just make them stop or go away. Let them have the life they want. Yes, it can suck, but an hour of sitting with my anger is far better than the weeks of misery and anxiety I’ve spent trying to suppress it and pretend it didn’t exist.
That said, today, anger was a gift. And some days, so too are sadness and fear. I think the key is to sit with them – let them exist – and then, take inventory of what you have to work with and move on with what needs to be done once their visit is over.
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Who were your favorite and least favorite characters from this movie? And I’m talking about from the original animated Disney film, not the more recent live action version, which I haven’t seen. I ask because something I saw this morning reminded me of the croquet game they played, and of course, my mind spiraled down the proverbial rabbit hole, which is, actually, rather appropriate for this train of thought.
Anyway, I imagine a lot of women would say that when they were little girls, Alice was their favorite character, and maybe they changed their mind later in life, but I didn’t think that way. I was fascinated by the Cheshire Cat. He was always smiling, and seemed to speak in riddles. Why was he always smiling? And why couldn’t he just say whatever he wanted to say? He was, to me, a puzzle to solve. I would rewind the movie and watch the scenes with him over and over trying to figure it out.
My least favorite character was probably the Mad Hatter. He was mean to Alice, though in a different way than the Queen of Hearts. With her, you knew what to expect. He seemed nice at times, but other times was just rude and…. icky. I’m sure there’s a better word for it, but thinking about it from a childhood perspective, that’s all I can come up with. He made things confusing in a frustrating fashion, asking questions and never letting Alice answer, then getting mad when she got upset. I did, however, enjoy the idea of celebrating un-birthdays.
That’s all. Just a dose of Saturday randomness. Back to studying now!
Have a great weekend!
A Peculiar Cerebral Tangle 