I have a bunch of random inspirations, ideas half formed that I want to turn into interesting pieces going down various rabbit holes. But, there is something more interesting to me at the moment that I want to explore, and that is the idea of anger. I’ve written before that Anger is a gift, and that anger is actually rooted in self-preservation.
If these things are true, which I believe they are – why, then, do some people have such a hard time dealing with anger, attempting to stifle it rather than let it serve its purpose?
In some cases, it’s truly a case of “this is not the time”, which is fine – it is actually impressive in some situations that people recognize that. In other cases, we try to spare the feelings of whomever we are mad at, which could be questionable depending on the circumstances. In other cases, a person is taught that having “negative” emotions of any kind is bad, wrong, not acceptable, or flat out dangerous in terms of their own safety. This, in my opinion, is the wrong approach. Anger, just like any emotion, is valid and acceptable, discounting cases of anger being the excuse for abuse. That just makes you an asshole who can’t deal with their emotions or control their actions. But, I digress.
In this last case, why do we, as a society, tell people that an emotion that stems from a need to protect ourselves from some threat is bad? Why do we not, instead, teach people how to properly express or experience anger and teach them appropriate, safe, and effective ways to deal with it? Why do we assign any objective value to a subjective experience? Sadness or anger or grief or whatever the case is, are not inherently negative, though it does suck to experience them. Why do we attempt to stop what the person is feeling rather than allow them to feel it, process it, and then let it go in time? Or simply sit with them in the thick of the sludge until they are ready and then help them to find a way to climb out, clean off, and move on?
I think perhaps it’s because these “negative” emotions make people uncomfortable for some reason. Maybe they’re not healed themselves, or they have a good handle on dealing with their own emotions but are uncomfortable with sitting with someone going through an emotional shit storm of their own. I don’t know. But, it may be helpful to look to animals to answer this question. Animals have emotions just like we do. If you don’t believe that, you lack a soul. Just sayin.
Anyway – back to what I was saying. I have three dogs. Two of them are brothers, and before they were neutered, went after each other sometimes. Over food, over attention, or because one of them just got a bug up their ass and was cranky that day. But, one is devastated and lost if the other leaves without them (like to the vet), and any random 20 seconds of teeth baring, growling, ferocious interaction is forgotten within minutes. They recognize something that I think a lot of us don’t – emotions serve a purpose and should be experienced/expressed, but are transient in the sense that the immediate anger does not negate the fact that they love each other. As humans, we tend to think too much. “I’m mad, and if I tell this person I am mad at them, they will hate me, or think I’m a bad person, or don’t love them” or whatever. The dog thought process? “Hey, that’s my human, get away! Fuck you! *growling/snarling, etc* oh, ok, we’re good now. wanna sniff some poop and then go cuddle on the couch?” Seriously, how did we let these big frontal cortexes of ours interfere with something so beautiful and natural?
I have said before, and experienced plenty of times, that the only way to get through an emotion and let it go is to go through it. Or, in more familiar terms, “the only way out is through.” It really is true. If you allow yourself to feel something – no matter what it is – it will have its moment of occupying space and time in your mind, and then move on to whatever is next in its ethereal existence. Trying to suppress emotions only forces them to find other ways to have the effect they were meant to have, and makes it that much more intense to deal with when you are forced to. And I promise, you will be forced to at some point.
A Peculiar Cerebral Tangle 