Tag: #pondering

The Point – Continued (p3)

September 25th, 2023

Part 3 (read part 2 here)

The second installment of this – whatever it is – brought me to the question that I truly want an answer for. Is there a justification for human life, or is it a random occurrence? I got to thinking (big surprise).

Human beings are animals. We fit nicely into the scientific classification system of taxonomy. (Fitting in to that system makes sense, because we developed it, but that’s not what I’m getting at.) Many people assume that they were born to do something specific. That could be living a life of service and charity. Or being a famous singer and songwriter. Or being a teacher. Or being a doctor. Many people believe they have a purpose, that they exist for a reason. That they have some grand goal that they must achieve in life. Some people know when they are a little kid what they are going to do with their lives. Some people spend their lives trying to figure out what their purpose is.

What I’m getting at is, what if that’s not the case? What if we don’t have some grand, predestined purpose? I mean, look at other animals. Other animals don’t have the media that we do so they can get “famous” outside of their own territories. They don’t have the resources to heal many things that they deal with. Yes, they have teachers in a way, within a pride or a flock or what have you. Most certainly don’t have the means to travel like we do, and even those who do, don’t. They stick to their routes, their migration patterns. Many people would argue that animals don’t have a purpose other than some serving as food for humans or being something spiffy to look at. What makes humans so special? Why do we get a purpose and other animals don’t?

It’s just not making sense. I’ve had these thoughts, I felt I had a purpose. I was one of those people who was going to spend their whole life figuring out what that purpose was. I thought I knew, and then it turns out I was wrong. And I thought I knew again, and then wrong again. Third time rolls around, and I decide I’ll just “see what the universe has in store”. But what if there’s nothing in store? What if our purpose in life is simply to exist and experience as much life as possible for this brief moment of time? After all, a human life span on the time scale of the universe is less than miniscule. How have we come to believe that in the scope of the existence of the universe, something that amounts to 0.000000584% of that time is somehow significant in the grand scheme of things? (Do the math – 80 years divided by 13.7 billion years x100)

To be clear, I am not saying that human life in general is insignificant. Every individual that has, does, or will exist is the result of a statistical miracle. Every life is precious. What I’m saying is that I am questioning the idea that individuals have some innate purpose for their lives, assigned or bestowed by something other than themselves. That there is some sort of external expectation that we have an obligation to meet.

What if… I mean, there are tons of belief systems and theories about this. I’ve read about many of them. But what if they are all wrong? What if it really boils down to the fact that a person exists only because random chance happened to create them? No purpose, no reason, no motive – no external orchestrator of our lives. Just a giant cluster fuck of randomness resulting in the person staring back at you in the mirror. No expectations to meet, other than your own. No goals, no priorities. Other than your own. No people to please. Except for yourself.

The implications of this thought are both terrifying and exhilarating.
The Point – continued

September 16th, 2023

Part 2 (read Part 1 here)

Upon rereading my initial post, I realize that there may be an issue with my terminology. At several points, I used the terms “reason” and “root cause” as if they were interchangeable. They are definitely related, but in this context, I am not exactly sure that they are synonymous. Let’s go to my favorite book of all time – the dictionary.

According to Merriam-Webster, there are four main definitions for the word reason:

Within the third, we find the word “cause”. We’ll get into that in a minute. What strikes me for the word reason is the second definition – “a rational ground or motive”. I think this is what most of us are referring to when we talk about a reason for something. Life in particular as it relates to this discussion. We want to know what motive existence or our deity of choice had for putting us on this planet. We want a justification for our lives and the events in it. We want to know why.

Moving on to “root cause”. Oddly enough, root cause is not in the dictionary, at least not Merriam-Webster. So, we look at each part. First, cause. It is something that “brings about an effect or a result”. Second, we look at root. Now, there are several definitions depending on the field of interest, but if you look at the third definition, you see this:

What strikes me here is the first definition – the origin or source. That’s what’s being referred to when we say “the root cause”. We want to know the initial logical relationship that caused a particular event.

So, let’s take a step back. It is, apparently, impossible to define the words “reason” and “root cause” without getting into some pretty ridiculous circular logic. They are related terms, but I still think that they are not quite synonymous, because a reason carries (or can carry) an emotional connotation to it, whereas root cause – not so much. Root cause is logical. I think that distinction is what was nagging me when I reread that initial post.

I guess what it boils down to for this discussion is, what are we actually looking for? The root cause is pretty easy, it’s science. Sperm and egg get together, and voilà, human life. Events are just as easy to explain. They are logical relationships to previous events.

But the reason – the justification – is what I’m looking for. Is there a justification for human life, or is it truly random and therefore meaningless?
Uninspired

September 15th, 2023

I read a thing recently – it was a quote from someone, but I don’t remember who. Either way. It was this:

“When you are consumed with thoughts, write. When you are uninspired, read.”

If you know who said that, please let me know. For now, ramblings continue.

What happens if you’re both? My mind is going a mile a minute – so many things and I can’t keep track of the jumping from thing to thing. Music. Writing. Work projects. Personal projects. Things that are a bit of both. Life. Philosophy. Statistics. Physics. And the connection between the last four things.

I need more tattoos. I need to finish designing the rest of my sleeve, tweak the design for my backpiece, and somehow come up with a few thousand bucks to get it all done.

holy shit. Just texting with a friend – multitasking can be evil, I know, but in this case, it’s great. The song Only came up, by NIN. I played it. Something strange happened, so I played it again to make sure. And then again. And again. (yes, I’m that person lol) I am smiling so big right now! This song used to represent to me a place where I wished I could be, but feared I would never get to. Somewhere where I could move on from the past, from myself, from random bullshit that was keeping me trapped in my own head with only this broken version of myself that longed to be something different, something more. Now, it seems like it’s talking about a place that is actually attainable, somewhere I’ve seen, almost. And that is… indescribably…. fucking…. Damnit, there are no words! Just imagine being presented with a situation where you would have more freedom than you’ve experienced in basically as long as you can remember, and how that would make you feel. That’s what this is.

I’m going to go listen to more music and bask in this awesome feeling for a while.
“Can’t” vs “Don’t”

September 14th, 2023

I actually misheard a song lyric a while back, but what I thought I heard actually sparked an interesting set of thoughts in my mind.

There is a distinct difference between saying that someone “can’t” do something and saying that they “don’t” do something.

If someone can’t do something, they lack the knowledge, ability, or skills to do so. For example, I can’t frame out a building. It’s a simple fact. I would have no clue how to do it properly.

If someone doesn’t do something, it may be that they are perfectly capable of whatever task or action; they simply choose not to. For example, I am capable of being a salesperson, but I made a choice not to do so as my profession.

I think more people need to realize and appreciate that in some (if not many) cases, a person is nice or good because they choose to be, not because they lack the ability to be mean or rude or even violent.

It’s an important fact to remember – you never truly know what someone might be capable of. Just because they don’t does ~not~ mean that they can’t.
Adjective Order – who knew?

September 11th, 2023

I came across something the other day, and I was baffled by it….

First off, I don’t know if the bit about Tolkien is legit. That’s a potential investigation for a different day. Secondly, I was always a very good student, and I don’t remember ~ever~ being taught this order of adjectives, at least not explicitly. I mean, was this an actual thing and I just completely forgot but continued to utilize it on a daily basis? Or was it perhaps a more subtle, obscure teaching that nobody ever talks about? An unspoken rule?

I went digging. A web search offers lots of results – Grammarly, Khan Academy, Wikipedia, etc – a glance through the results list lead me to the Cambridge Dictionary site. Granted, it is British origin, but that’s where US English started, so that works for me as a starting point. Check this out: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/grammar/british-grammar/adjectives-order

Where did this required order come from? What’s the logic behind it? Who decided? Why was I never given a chance to question or argue the fact that I can have a beautiful big round metal table but that having a round metal big beautiful table is completely unheard of?! (For the record, writing that sentence was ridiculously awkward!)

Does the former of the two statements “sound” better? Yes. But why? Is it just because that order is what we’re used to? Why was this rule established? How is it that just about everyone who speaks English adheres to this rule, but no one can explain it? Why don’t people talk about it? Is it because the “order” is arbitrary and has no logic behind it? I am curious. I wish I could talk to my English 102 professor. He was hardcore into the language. He actually forbade anyone from using colloquial terms in his class because it disgusted him, as he considered informal terms to be a disservice to the language. He might know the answer, but I have no idea if or how I can contact him at this point.

Either way, it was a long day, and I’m tired, so this will have to sit on the mental back burner for now. Until then, have a wonderful evening!
Screen Protectors

September 10th, 2023

Why aren’t these included and installed on stock devices? First of all, many of us have issues getting the shit lined up correctly. And don’t get me started on the bubbles around microscopic bits of dust that are invisible but still apparently big enough to cause an issue. Give us a little while to enjoy a clear screen that is actually protected!

And it’s not like including one screen protector with the initial purchase of the device is going to do anything to actually impact the market for screen protectors. I mean – have you seen how badly some people treat their devices? Or how fucking clumsy some people are? Just do your customers a favor for once. if you’re gonna rip them off for the latest version of whatever device, at least give them something to protect it for bit.

Oh, and for those who manufacture screen protectors… if you strike a deal with Apple or Samsung to be a “recommended” brand, your sales will skyrocket. Just sayin. Think about it.
A new place

September 8th, 2023

Observing life from a remote perspective and from a place where bullshit and antics can’t get to you is a really interesting feeling. It’s a skill I’d like to develop. Based on what I’ve experienced of it so far, I like it.

I have always been a pretty calm person. Even in some of the most fucked up situations, I kept my cool and did what had to be done. I had shit to take care of, people who depend on me, and that came before any emotional, reactionary bullshit. But, once I was alone, everything fell apart. That roller coaster ride is absolutely insane, not to mention fucking exhausting. And let’s not talk about the possibility of developing unhealthy coping mechanisms. Sometimes, those mechanisms could be a shit ton of fun, but definitely not something you’d want to incorporate into daily life.

Lately, I find that I can detach from situations. I notice that I would normally get mad or upset about the situation, but then let that feeling just pass right on through. Like seeing someone you know while driving or walking around town. You wave, they wave. You’ve acknowledged each other, but you continue your separate ways without stopping to interact. But in this case, it’s not a person, it’s emotions. Sometimes, it’s emotion that, normally, would completely fuck up your day. It’s so strange. But liberating.

To be clear, I’m not in any way saying that I have shit all figured out, because I don’t. That’s for damn sure. I have moments of emotion that I can’t just let go of. I have blind rage moments, crushing sadness moments, moments of crippling self-doubt….just like anybody else. This new way of looking at things, though, this new place that my mind can observe things from…I noticed it recently but it really hit me today. It’s not an all day or even every day thing. Still strapped in to that roller coaster for sure. But, I now think there’s actually a way to step off that ride safely. I just have to get to that new place more often. Get the address, go there, set up some furniture, maybe even decorate. Make it somewhere I am comfortable being long term.

That’s the plan, anyway. Wish me luck!
The Point

September 5th, 2023

So often, people rush to get to “the point” – of a story, a conversation, a meeting. Little things with relatively immediate answers that will make sense. But many people don’t think about the big things, because they are busy, and it’s too much to consider, too difficult to imagine, and presents the very real threat of no rational answer. But I have been thinking a great deal lately about big things. Many questions have passed through my mind, but the main one is this…. What is “the point” or the reason for life, or for existence in general? Seriously. We think that there has to be a reason for our lives. But what if there isn’t?

We are taught that events have causes, reasons for why they happen. This makes sense, because many things have a cause. A tree falls because its roots are rotten and a strong wind blew, the roots snapped, and it fell over. A mosquito bites you because it’s hungry. What is the reason, then, the root cause, for human life? Or an individual’s life? Or events within said life? And how far does the reasoning extend? I mean, did a natural disaster happen just so that a particular group of disaster workers could gain certain experience to deal with the next thing that much better and save a certain person in that next disaster? Yeah, you could argue that, but how ridiculous are we going to get here? Eventually, the reasons for events will conflict as you examine more lives. What do you do then?

For the longest time, I believed that everything in life happens for a reason. I haven’t had faith in any type of deity for many years, but I still thought that there was some great orchestrator, even if it is only the universe itself trying to maintain homeostasis. And that was feasible to me, even logical. Our bodies do that. Ecological systems do that. Hell, you could even argue that the stock market does that. But that still doesn’t give a reason for every single event. That type of analysis has to be done on a macro level and for a long enough timeframe to make sense. When you try to answer things related to the micro level of individual lives, the entire system breaks down, and logic flies out the fuckin window.

I just realized though…. The same thing happens in physics. On the macro level, the laws of physics are what they are, and outcomes are predictable. You can fairly easily answer questions about a projectile’s motion given a few key pieces of information. Even the laws governing particles are fairly stable, setting the wave/particle thing aside for a moment. A scientist working with a particle accelerator has a pretty good idea of what’s going to happen when he or she smashes two protons together. But, when we get to crazy speeds, the even smaller sub-particles, smaller distances and such or start to consider wave/particle duality, again, the system breaks down. Traditional laws of physics no longer apply. This is why quantum mechanics came about. I am intrigued by this similarity, and will have to return to this….

Anyway. Back to the topic at hand – the root cause of and/or reason for human life.

The root cause of an individual human life is pretty simple. A sperm and egg merge, and develop from zygote to embryo and so on. But why? What is the reason? Why that sperm and that egg? There are millions of sperm at the time that are candidates, and maybe one or two of a couple hundred thousand eggs. Presumably, that sperm was stronger or had more energy stores and won the race. The egg in question just happened to be the closest to the edge of the ovary. But the particular combination that creates an individual human being is very specific. If the sperm that created you was different, you could be a very different person. I find it increasingly difficult to think that there is (or even could be) more to that occurrence than random chance.

This is gonna be a little weird, but bear with me. Let’s just say that the sperm in 2nd place to make Albert Einstein decided to cheat that day and chugged some high-powered sperm red bull right before the race started. It won the race by mere milliseconds. Albert the genius that we all know and love could have been born with average intelligence and a natural talent for physical labor. He decides work in a foundry or be a bricklayer, and doesn’t even think to concern himself with questions of the universe and their potential answers. How different would our world be?

And yes, I realize that in some ways, my line of questioning here is leaning toward the “everything happens for a reason” hypothesis, rather than the “life is a cluster fuck of statistically random events” hypothesis. But, consider this. The third sperm in line the day Einstein was conceived took the sperm equivalent of speed. We end up with a super genius, who contributes so much to science that by this time, we are traveling to Mars for summer vacations and have several space stations in orbit. Any perceived leaning is gone, we are now back to center and further from a logical conclusion than ever.

I will continue this rambling a different day. I think this is enough for now. My brain needs to process this evening’s meandering and reorganize to keep this from descending into utter chaos.

Good night.
The dog brain theory

June 21st, 2023

I have a theory, and I’ve had this theory for years. Some may disagree, some may say, “holy shit, that’s gotta be it!”. Anyway, here it is.

All dogs, and I’m talking domesticated dogs, not wolves or anything like that in the wild, but dogs that you find in shelters, on the street, at a breeder’s, whatever. Dogs. They all have the same sized brain. Bear with me.

A chihuahua – the demon spawn of the canine world, who would rip you apart limb from limb (if it were capable). A pit bull or a lab – a great friend, gentle, intelligent (for the most part), stable. A saint bernard or a mastiff – a giant, loafing, doofy, drooling lump of lovable fur. All of these dogs have the same size brain, and their characteristics are a direct result of this simple fact.

Think about it. You put a ton of brainpower, or anything really, in a container that is too small for it, what happens? You get spillage. How does that spillage manifest in an animal? Aggression, bulgy eyes, twitchy movements, high pitched voice. You put that same amount of stuff in a container that is just the right size? It closes, everything fits, everyone is happy. The animal is relatively smart, well balanced, etc. You take the same amount of stuff and put it in a giant container, what do you have? Empty space. Enough said.

Now that is not to say that you can’t have well balanced rat dogs, or intelligent canine horses. There are exceptions to every rule. But, in general, this is the dog brain theory. Please let me know your thoughts.

Thank you for your time.
I miss the library.

June 19th, 2023

Gonna date myself a bit here, but I miss going to the library to research a topic, looking it up in the encyclopedia, then finding different references, looking them up in the card catalog, and finding books I wasn’t even looking for in the section I found myself in. It was an amazing experience, and a great way to gain knowledge. Internet searches are super convenient, don’t get me wrong, and being able to just google something to win an argument is pretty spiffy. But seriously, I miss those days. I think I might take a trip to the library sometime soon to do some research for a post I started on human intellect.

But honestly, there’s something to be said for going to a library and picking up different books on a topic, and sometimes winding up reading about something that you never intended to begin with. When I was a kid, during the summer I used to walk to the library from my house, about a mile away, and just spend hours there researching and reading whatever was on my mind that day. It was awesome. Sometimes, I would convince my mother to drop me off at the big library a couple of towns over before she went to work, and I read books, I looked at microfiche and microfilm (they didn’t have that stuff at the tiny library by my house). I would spend all day there and beg my mom (usually not successfully) to bring me back later in the week.

I dunno. Convenience is great, but only to an extent. I’m in a class now to earn my CPIM designation. I work with people who got that designation 20+ years ago, and the format was very different then. And I can’t help but think that the knowledge they acquired is more robust than what I’m being offered. Yes, you can condense information to accelerate the process, but there are nuances in expanded formats that offer knowledge in their own right. And I may not be getting that….

Anyway, this post is a tangent from what I was working on (human intellect), and I think serves to fill my quota of randomness for the day. It’s after 10 and I need to get to bed.

Adieu.