We all know what an asshole is, because we all have one. It is the slang term for the orifice through which fecal matter exits the body.
But, when you call someone an asshole, what exactly do you mean? What are the criteria required in order to bestow that illustrious title? I’m going to detail my main criteria below.
Please note – any combination of one or more of the following, especially on a recurrent basis, will qualify you as an asshole in my opinion.
You intentionally, knowingly, and willfully harm another human being or animal that is not a threat to your life, and/or feel little to no remorse for doing so. Examples: people who neglect the animals they “care for” to the point of the animal suffering or worse, verbally/emotionally/physically abusive people, people who hunt for sport
People who put their monetary/social/professional success or advancement ahead of the basic needs of those impacted by their decisions. Example: You are the CEO of a company, and you get confidential word that the proverbial shit is about to hit the fan. You keep this information close, sell all your company stock, then vote with the board to give yourselves tens of millions each in bonus money that year. The 2,000 plus employees of the company, as well as countless shareholders are left with nothing, and had no time to prepare for this catastrophe.
You lie to benefit yourself or your goals. Example: You lie to a coworker who happens to be up for the same promotion as you about the instructions given for a particular project so that they take things in the wrong direction. When management rejects their proposal, you swoop in and present your own “spur of the moment” ideas based on the actual instruction, receiving praise and securing the promotion in the process. (Side note – if you find yourself in a situation where lying is the only way to protect yourself from harm, like with an abusive parent or spouse, this does not apply.)
You are rude or mean to wait staff, customer service reps, or any others in service positions.
You are an able-bodied person and don’t return your shopping cart to a designated area.
You try to force others to adhere to your personal beliefs (of any kind) and get angry at them when they make a choice not to.
You are a career politician or a bureaucrat.
You utilize or adhere to stereotypes to form an opinion of someone before even speaking to them, use said stereotype to determine how you will treat them, and make assumptions about how they will behave or what they are capable of.
To be clear – asshole status is not necessarily permanent. A person could redeem themselves and achieve a non-asshole status, but it takes a lot of time, and hard work. And we all will have asshole-esque moments in our lives, but there’s a difference between acting like an asshole for a moment of time and being one in general. Don’t be an asshole in general.
Supplemental Reading: Asshole – an addendum
A Peculiar Cerebral Tangle 