You ever have one of those Fridays after a long, hard week and you sit down to relax and it just feels so good not to be doing for a moment? You start looking forward to the other ways you’ll relax this weekend, and it hits you….
It’s only fucking Tuesday.
Mother fucker.
I love spirals. they are everywhere, and are the physical embodiment of emergent order.
But a spiral in the direction of hair growth at the back/top of the head? Seriously, mother nature?
i recently shaved my head, and decided that today, i was going to take it down to skin. When i had my mohawk, this was a quick 10-15-minute thing for an against-the-grain shave.
but that strip that i only recently removed for the first time? it had a secret. a secret that made shaving with a razor fucking retarded… a god damn spiral.
the hair on that part of my head grows in all sorts of different directions. i don’t know if this how it is for all people, but i’m including everyone in my angry rant of confusion. Again – really, mother nature?
i’m not in the mood to research this, i’m just bitching.
but apparently I have a Fibonacci-esque pattern—unseen for decades—etched into my frickin’ scalp…
…
honestly, hat’s actually kinda fun….
Take out a ruler, or a tape measure. Go ahead, it’s ok, I’m not gonna trick you into doing anything stupid, i promise. ok, got the measuring device? Take a look at how big one inch is. I mean really look, compare it to the size of your fingers, other shit you have sitting around, whatever. Really take it in.
Now…Imagine having a hole that big going straight through some part of your body.
Your gut clenched a bit, didn’t it? Or you winced a smidge. Yeah, me too.
But then I realized that the goal i have for my ears will do exactly that. My ears are at 9/16″, with a goal to return to the 3/4″ i once had. Imagining that size hole in my ear lobe doesn’t make my gut clench, it makes my heart happy.
So, yeah, context fucking matters!
Laura took a bite of her dinner.
Mom always yelled at me to not bring books to the dinner table...
Laura smiled, pulled out her phone and started her latest audiobook.
Look Ma, no books!
Laura giggled to herself and continued eating.
So Albert Einstein walks unto a bar….
Yeah, no. Lol
In high school, i liked the class but was none too fond of the teacher. An entire class of honors kids would fail his quizzes and exams. This didn’t make me feel any better going into the regents exam. I was terrified. I had never failed a regents exam, what would i tell my mom?
I got a fucking 92. and i swore off physics because of how that one teacher was.
I ended up in a physics class because i enrolled late and it was the only science available. But, I loved physics in college, entertained the idea of the engineering program, and even started the process of applying to Columbia to study particle physics and string theory.
So…. Yeah, one teacher nearly robbed me of what turned out to be a life long fascination.
Not really funny….
But, oh yeah! He says, “ow!”
When I was a kid, my dad would play a trick on me randomly.
He would call me, and then tell me to go do something, which i, of course, immediately went to do.
when i was about halfway to where i was going, he’d call me back, and i’d run back to see what he wanted. When I arrived, he’d say, “now, do you think you’da gotten there by now if i hadn’t called you back?” He’d laugh, and i’d stomp off to the original destination, outrage filling my entire little girl body.
Remembering it now, especially the first couple times – is freaking hilarious.
When it comes to getting things done on the daily, i am definitely not a type A, priority list making organizational freak that adheres to a strict task schedule.
Yes, i have my to-do list, but the order and manner of Completion is sometimes complete chaos. Everything will get done, but not necessarily in a logical fashion that would make sense to any other rational, reasonable adult.
The productivity is interspersed with canine conversations, random google search rabbit holes, the necessary DJ duties, and creative inspirations.
Like blog posts.
😉
If you find yourself picking out the single misspelling in something I rushed to do twenty minutes before you saw it, but still managed to do something that you don’t even know how to do, be grateful. Because if i were a petty, vindictive bitch, I would crush your ego like a bug and not think twice.
I want to apologize in advance to anyone who expected profound musings based on the title. This is not the post you’re looking for; this is funny and retarded and silly.
Ya know what it’s like running around doing things in the house or whatever and you just wrap up three of them back to back? How you sit down, resting for a minute while you wait for coffee to brew or water for tea to boil?
And then you remember.
‘I forgot to start the thing didn’t I?’
Listening for indications yields nothing, but you were really looking forward to that coffee, so you haul your tired ass up and go check.
Mother fucker.
You forgot.
Doesn’t that fucking suck?
Seriously, hear me out.
Dragons are vicious, intelligent, flying, fire breathing entities that hoard a human treasure – gold.
Dogs are viciously loyal, intellegent beings who sometimes have breath or gas that smells like it came from the depths of hell. And they, too, board treasure. Canine treasure, in the form of squeaky toys, bones, and tennis balls. And the rare, mythical, squeaky tennis ball? This is epic and sacred above any other canine treasure, to be guarded with much ferocity and courage and a complete disregard for the human hands that reach for it in an attempt to prolong the game of fetch. This game, of course, is a holy ritual for dogs, yet some are so dazzled by the mystical squeaky ball that they descend into the sin of destroying it!
Truly a sad state of affairs…
A Peculiar Cerebral Tangle 