Last night, as I was falling asleep, something crossed my mind that I wanted to write about, something that I thought would make a good blog post. I remember thinking, I should start a draft of this or send myself a text so I remember tomorrow and can actually write the piece. The comfortable, sleepy part of my mind said, “Nah, you’ll remember. We’ll think about nothing but that before we fall asleep, and you’ll remember first thing! Just relax, you had a shit day!” Did any of that thinking or remembering actually happen? No. Not at all. Not even a little. That lazy little piece of my brain hung on to that coziness and let me forget all about the inspiration! And all day, I had this nagging piece of my brain obsessing over it. “What the hell was that topic? I really wanted to write about that! It was a great idea!” Suffice it to say that I won’t be doing that again the foreseeable future, even if it means getting less sleep.
Category: Random
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I had a conversation today that involved and led to some pretty interesting things, the first of which was a question. If you read this blog often enough, you know that I’ve written a few posts lately pondering the reason for human existence and such. The question was this – am I ok with the fact that I may never have an answer to that question? That I may have to take a stand and come to my conclusion with insufficient or incomplete information? The answer to that, in short, is a resounding no. Actually, “Hell no” is probably more appropriate. I am not ok with having a question that I will or may never have an answer to. I never have been. I think that’s the drive behind these posts. I’m searching for the answer, and talking myself through the logic and the available data. It’s what I do.
I should also add that I need to have answers that I can understand. Not necessarily agree with, but understand the reasoning or logic behind. That’s part of the reason I lost faith in God. I had a question when I was younger, and the only answer I could get was, “It is God’s will.” or, “God works in mysterious ways.” These answers, to me, were bullshit. Flat out. Because I needed to know why, and the only answer I could get is because some dude I never met who has more control over my life than I do wanted it that way, or because said dude was doing some straight up sneaky shit and fucking with my life in the process. Even before that, I always had to understand the answer. It has to make sense to me. I’ve driven some people in my life crazy with that.
Anyway, back to the question from today. No, I’m not ok with that, but on a side note, who says I have to come to a conclusion with incomplete data? I don’t have to do that. I have signed no contract, there’s no gun to my head. I can search for and think about this question until the end of my days and if there is no point at which I can comfortably come to a conclusion, so what? What happens? I die with a question on my mind. Big fucking deal. I can tell you this though, if that ends up being the case, I will not die with the regret of never searching for the answer.
Another interesting thing that came up today was a theory. This is a theory that is intertwined between neurology and psychology mainly, but takes tangents into cardiology, gastroenterology, and evolution. I’m talking about something called polyvagal theory, or PVT. I’ve done limited reading on this, but after today’s conversation, will be doing more. The human body has, according to accepted science up to this point, two main components of the nervous system. There’s the sympathetic nervous system, responsible for the “fight or flight response” that we’ve all heard so much about. Then there’s the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the opposite set of functions, also known as “rest and digest”. These two systems work to keep your body in balance. Being chased by a lion? Ok. Sympathetic nervous system kicks in, pumps out adrenaline and cortisol, increases heart rate and helps you run for your life. Made it to a tree or cave or the lion gets fed up and stops chasing you? Awesome. Parasympathetic nervous system takes over, calms you down and lets you rest for tomorrow’s adventure.
Polyvagal theory, at least from what I’ve read so far, further divides the parasympathetic nervous system into two branches. The dorsal vagal system and the ventral vagal system, dorsal related to the back and ventral related to the front, belly or underside. The dorsal vagal system is related to not only the “rest and digest” function, but also the “freeze” response – the deer in headlights. The ventral vagal system is responsible for components of social interactions, and actually has a hand in regulating the “fight or flight response” of the sympathetic nervous system via these social responses. Now, there is much much more to this than what I’ve said. Again, limited reading so far. But, fascinating, nonetheless. (Side note. Apparently, there is information in the literature that says that the dorsal vagal system is the most primitive, which actually makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint, because the first component of the complex nervous system to evolve was the chordata, which evolved to and is known in human and mammalian anatomy as the spinal cord, where all of our reflexes and other involuntary responses come from.)
Finally, part of this conversation about the parasympathetic nervous system led to a discussion of the fact that I rarely take enough time to rest, and almost never take a vacation. True statements, though I’m actively working on rectifying the first part, at least. I went through some stuff a couple of months ago that has prompted a great deal of my current thought process, and to be honest, I’m grateful for what happened and the changes it’s bringing about.
I think that’s enough rambling for now, I need sleep and have to work in the morning, like so many other people.
Have a great night!
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I have noticed something about the world we live in. In most situations, everyone likes to talk, everyone wants to be heard, and I get that. If I have something to say that I feel is important or would bring a smile to someone’s face, I want to be heard as well. But there is certainly something to be said for simply observing.
Because of my personality, I am not one to speak over other people or raise my voice in most cases. This gives me a good deal of time to listen, and to observe those around me. Taking advantage of that opportunity is not something that a lot of people do, but it can offer some interesting insights into the behavior of other people, especially if you do so repeatedly with the same groups of people. This can be especially interesting in professional situations where you don’t necessarily know someone the way you do your friends.
Next time you are with other people, try sitting back and just observing. You may be surprised at what you are able to notice.
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I was at dinner the other night, and someone asked me this question. Turns out, it is a trick question, even though the person asking didn’t know that.
The factual, accounting answer is about $2k. The reason it’s a trick question is because first of all, a lot of the tattoos I have, I got almost 20 years ago, and ya, know – inflation and all that. Secondly, I spent time as a tattoo apprentice and artist, and got a few pieces done for free by other artists at the shop I trained/worked at, in addition to one I did myself during said apprenticeship. So, she asked me how much would you have spent? I don’t know the answer to that, but I’d have to say about $4k.
Now, that’s not including piercings, of course. I started wondering how much I’ve spent on body mod in general. Factoring piercings in, I’d say I’ve probably had around $6k worth of body mod done, not making any adjustments for inflation crap, cause I’m not in the mood for all the time value of money calculation stuff right now.
I never had a tattoo removed, but I have since let many of the piercings close, for various reasons. I do not, however, regret a single piece of work I’ve had done.
Body mod is a beautiful art form and I absolutely love that it’s something that you can walk around with. It’s art that can be enjoyed and appreciated in every day situations, not just in a museum or gallery. (Similar to music, by the way!) Body mod is there when you walk down the street or go to the doctor or grocery store. It is art and self expression that is always with you, and I think that is fucking phenomenal.
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I love this man’s vocals and lyrics. I have an entire playlist dedicated to his music. TOOL being my favorite of the three bands (and in general) – his words and voice just inspire and soothe my soul.
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What things give you energy?
Music
Helping people
My dogs
Solving problems
Laughter
Reading/writing
Oh, and caffeine. Can’t forget the magical morning bean juice!
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This is an interesting word.
You can get swag at a trade show, a bank, or even a doctor’s office. It’s merchandise that companies give you in the hopes that you use it and thereby promote their product or company. It’s pretty ingenious. Especially if they provide high quality swag! I still have a shirt I got from a physical therapy place years ago because it’s one of those thick, sturdy but super soft, comfortable shirts.
Random thought – band t-shirts are swag too, but you pay the band for the ability to advertise for them. Even more ingenious.
You can also give a swag – or, more appropriately, a SWAG – a Scientific Wild Ass Guess. This is where you have some data support, but not enough to say definitively, so you fill the rest with experience, judgement and luck. My favorite application of the word.
That is all. Happy Friday!
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What would your life be like without music?
Oh, my…. I don’t want to imagine this horrible reality, but I will try.
To start, I would likely be in jail or a psych ward as a permanent resident – I have said that music is my sanity and I can’t stress how true that is.
Without music, I would be lost. I wouldn’t smile as much. I wouldn’t sing to myself. I wouldn’t be as kind. My life would be empty. I would be empty. But at the same time, I would have this pressure cooker of emotion inside with no release valve so that I eventually just explode (see the part above about being in jail – this would be why).
I don’t like to think of my world without music. It’s terrifying. So I’m going to stop now.
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I did a writing prompt a few days ago that asked what your favorite word is. Now, I have a question of my own…. what is your least favorite word?
I started thinking about it, and that’s a hard question. When I was younger, it was protein. I was writing a paper for a science class, and for whatever reason, didn’t have access to a dictionary at the time. I was visiting someone, I think. Anyway, I must have crumpled up and re-written that paper two or three times because every time I wrote the word “protein” it looked wrong. And this was back in the day when you actually had to write assignments on paper with a pen.
Nowadays, I don’t know. There are certain words that I don’t like hearing some people say, because they butcher the pronunciation. Like “supposedly”. Or “administrator”. But that’s the person screwing up the word for me, not the word itself – I don’t think that counts.
I think I can actually say that I do not have a least favorite word that I can think of.
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Write about your most epic baking or cooking fail.
I was maybe 11 or 12, and was given the task of making dinner for the family one night. Hamburger Helper. Easy enough, right? Well, I got distracted, didn’t “stir occasionally” and the stuff congealed and burnt into a solid mass on the bottom. It looked fine on top but my mom spent forever getting the burnt meat and pasta out of that pan, after having to make something else for dinner. I felt horrible. I got one hell of a lecture about paying attention to what I’m doing and it was weeks before I was allowed to cook again. I am still slightly paranoid about burning stuff in a skillet. 😝
A Peculiar Cerebral Tangle 