How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?
The same way i would to someone who can… i’m intelligent, kind, caring, nerdy, and a bit strange.
Not a damn thing about me that actually matters has anything to do with how I look.
Category: Random
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Was today typical?
Was today typical, as in filled with random, unrelated issues and problems that I was expected to solve?
Yes.
Was today typical in a “same shit, different day” kinda way? Not at all. My days never are. And that’s what I fucking love about my job.
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How would you describe yourself to someone?
Third person description. Because i can.
She’s an intelligent, kind, and strong person. She is very forgiving, but can act with heartless, clinical precision if circumstances call for that. She’s quirky, nerdy, and obsessive about learning. She hates drama and small talk, generally keeping to herself. She’s an awesome listener, though, very compassionate. But if you get her going on something she’s interested in? Yeah, you’ll be discussing that, (as well as any random but related thing that comes up) for hours.
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What strategies do you use to maintain your health and well-being?
Health – movement. Listening to my body. Resting when i need to instead of pushing until my body forces the issue. Grounding. hydration.
Wellbeing – writing. Listening to silence. Protect my peace and my energy. Letting go. Observation. Sunlight.
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What’s the story behind your nickname?
Wow, this has the potential to be a long one. I have had quite a few nicknames over the years. But, we’ll just go with the most recent ones…
“Number Woman” – this was bestowed by a coworker due to not only my love of complex math, numbers and related theory (pi, phi, fibonacci, etc.) but my affinity for remembering random numbers. Years ago, when i first started at the company, this coworker walks in and says “11723 – make sure i remember that order number!” He went about his business, but was able to tell him a day or so later when he asked. i was dubbed “number woman” shortly thereafter.
“Siri” – my boss had an epiphany or something during a conversation one day, and started calling me Siri because he could ask what the weather is for the day, info he needed for work, or even random curious questions and i usually had the answer for him. Some of the staff picked it up too…
So, yeah, those are the stories behind my current nicknames.
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What do you listen to while you work?
Depends.
At the office? Other people. The noises from the factory and warehouse.
At home? Music. Silence that isn’t silence because of the dogs and traffic going by. Me, talking to myself.
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Ok, time for some real talk. This is gonna piss some people off. Consider this your warning.
Religion is dogmatic, rigid. But, honestly, so is science. to be scientifically valid, you must follow the scientific method, right? you have to do things a certain way, and then analyze the results. And that’s the thing. Science observes the actual outcomes and postulates from that. Religion, on the other hand, takes actual results and finds ways to make it fit its framework.
You know, fuck it. I’m just gonna say it.
Shit’s confusing. Like, everything in life is confusing. Science changes all the time. It’s updated and changed and revised. and that’s all cool… that’s the scientific method. That’s how we evolve and advance. But it’s still kind of disheartening because it’s the answers are not actually answers… And that’s starting to drive me crazy. Although I’ve said before that science is the pinnacle of understanding and blah, blah, blah. But i’m starting to wonder if science is simply another form of religion, but dressed up in data and verifiable results. And maybe science has tons and tons and tons of followers, and it has rules like any other religion. Things that you are supposed to do or not supposed to do things that you get ostracized or in the church world excommunicated for.
I used to think that science was the way to the truth. And I think maybe science has the best… directional sense? But I really do think that religion of any form also carries pieces of the truth with it. And I’m struggling to reconcile that in my mind. It’s.. It just. It feels weird. I mean, I trust in science. The method. The rigor. but…
I don’t know if I can believe in it anymore.
not saying that i can look at a study and not believe the results. That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s having that faith. And I’ve said before that I can’t wholeheartedly have faith in any God or religion. So how is it that I can put that faith in science? I shouldn’t be able to, logically speaking, because it has the same problems, although perhaps on a lesser scale and easier to justify. But i don’t think i can believe in it, because it is so dynamic. it’s always changing, and what we know as fact and truth today could be something completely different in 50 years.
But. What if… and this is crazy. but what if religion and science are two sides of the same coin? two ways of understanding reality and truth? and both necessary for truth to be wholly understood?
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i have experienced what it is to run experiments and then be able to predict the results of the next one based on observation. it’s exhilarating. But, at the same time, i have known things, felt presences, seen things that i maybe should not have, and had no fucking clue how any of it happened. but i knew it to be real. so…. wtf?
Reality is patterns. stability. predictability. But reality is also energy. the unseen. the unknown.
Seriously, let’s break this down. Life and existence are chock full of dualities. Light/dark, hot/cold, energy/matter, good/bad, chaos/order. Why do we expect to understand anything through any lens that doesn’t allow for this dualistic nature? Who is to say that we aren’t missing half the picture if we limit ourselves to either science or religion? Because, truth be told, they each involve some measure of faith. Faith in the dogma of religion, or faith in the rigors of science – each as a route to truth. There are things that religion is simply wrong about. There are things that science can’t explain.
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i guess what it boils down to is accepting the fact that we are never going to have the answers, at least not in this lifetime. And that means that we have to come up with a system that works for us, and tries to balance the rigors of science with the meaning bestowed by religion or spirituality. and doing this is an extremely individual, subjective process. What works for me is not going to work for everyone else…
What if our biggest mistake is assuming that there is a single, correct way to view and evaluate truth?
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it’s amazing how silence can speak.
i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. i used to run from silence. Fill it with noise – music, my own stupid commentary, or just being around people. Silence made me anxious, uncomfortable. It was literally painful to experience.
But in the past few years, I’ve realized that silence can be a portal. A doorway through which whispers from your heart, your soul, or even existence itself can pass, unhindered. These things – these whispers – actually require silence to be heard and understood. and sometimes, it’s not even about the words of the whisper – it’s about how it feels. and feeling that requires you to be still.
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Are you seeking security or adventure?
I am seeking answers.
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Please note:
If you have to inflate, amplify or otherwise exaggerate a situation to either:
A – make yourself feel important, or
B – conceal the fact that you weren’t paying attention when you should have been;
Just fucking don’t. All you’re doing is causing more stress and frustration for those involved. If you do this, you’re being an asshole.
Don’t be an asshole.
Thank you for your time.
A Peculiar Cerebral Tangle 