Category: Intellectual

A Knot in the Tangle – 7/19/25

July 19th, 2025

Ok, time for some real talk. This is gonna piss some people off. Consider this your warning.

Religion is dogmatic, rigid. But, honestly, so is science. to be scientifically valid, you must follow the scientific method, right? you have to do things a certain way, and then analyze the results. And that’s the thing. Science observes the actual outcomes and postulates from that. Religion, on the other hand, takes actual results and finds ways to make it fit its framework.

You know, fuck it. I’m just gonna say it.

Shit’s confusing. Like, everything in life is confusing. Science changes all the time. It’s updated and changed and revised. and that’s all cool… that’s the scientific method. That’s how we evolve and advance. But it’s still kind of disheartening because it’s the answers are not actually answers… And that’s starting to drive me crazy. Although I’ve said before that science is the pinnacle of understanding and blah, blah, blah. But i’m starting to wonder if science is simply another form of religion, but dressed up in data and verifiable results. And maybe science has tons and tons and tons of followers, and it has rules like any other religion. Things that you are supposed to do or not supposed to do things that you get ostracized or in the church world excommunicated for.

I used to think that science was the way to the truth. And I think maybe science has the best… directional sense? But I really do think that religion of any form also carries pieces of the truth with it. And I’m struggling to reconcile that in my mind. It’s.. It just. It feels weird. I mean, I trust in science. The method. The rigor. but…

I don’t know if I can believe in it anymore.

not saying that i can look at a study and not believe the results. That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s having that faith. And I’ve said before that I can’t wholeheartedly have faith in any God or religion. So how is it that I can put that faith in science? I shouldn’t be able to, logically speaking, because it has the same problems, although perhaps on a lesser scale and easier to justify. But i don’t think i can believe in it, because it is so dynamic. it’s always changing, and what we know as fact and truth today could be something completely different in 50 years.

But. What if… and this is crazy. but what if religion and science are two sides of the same coin? two ways of understanding reality and truth? and both necessary for truth to be wholly understood?

*

i have experienced what it is to run experiments and then be able to predict the results of the next one based on observation. it’s exhilarating. But, at the same time, i have known things, felt presences, seen things that i maybe should not have, and had no fucking clue how any of it happened. but i knew it to be real. so…. wtf?

Reality is patterns. stability. predictability. But reality is also energy. the unseen. the unknown.

Seriously, let’s break this down. Life and existence are chock full of dualities. Light/dark, hot/cold, energy/matter, good/bad, chaos/order. Why do we expect to understand anything through any lens that doesn’t allow for this dualistic nature? Who is to say that we aren’t missing half the picture if we limit ourselves to either science or religion? Because, truth be told, they each involve some measure of faith. Faith in the dogma of religion, or faith in the rigors of science – each as a route to truth. There are things that religion is simply wrong about. There are things that science can’t explain.

*

i guess what it boils down to is accepting the fact that we are never going to have the answers, at least not in this lifetime. And that means that we have to come up with a system that works for us, and tries to balance the rigors of science with the meaning bestowed by religion or spirituality. and doing this is an extremely individual, subjective process. What works for me is not going to work for everyone else…

What if our biggest mistake is assuming that there is a single, correct way to view and evaluate truth?
A Knot in the Tangle – 7/3/25

July 3rd, 2025

Welcome to the newest addition to the site! This series is going to be a (mostly) scheduled trek into the mind of me. There is no theme here, just random things that grabbed my mind for more than a few minutes.

I hope you enjoy the insanity as much as I do.

***

I had a completely unexpected conversation at work today. I was ironing out the last wrinkles in a new implementation. I went to see the manager of the department before leaving, and we got to chit chatting.

“While I have you….”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you… What are your thoughts on AI?”

Holy loaded question, batman!

I proceeded to tell her that I thought AI was incredibly useful, but has dangers not related to Arnold Schwarzenegger. We talked about the possibilities of the future with AI and the growth we could experience as a species. Provided, of course, that people stop treating it like a useful novelty and actually use the tool without abusing it. She’s excited for applications in the medical world, and I’m curious where this will go in general.

I didn’t always feel this way. When AI was first a thing, I hated the idea. I refused to get any apps that utilized it, would not even try the websites. I had already seen poor use of AI, and all i could see was this dystopian future where people no longer created their own art or writing, and humanity literally lost its soul entirely. I wanted no part of that, and started designing a freelance writing website/business that focused on not using AI generated content because AI can never understand or communicate the truth of human emotion.

Then, I had to use AI for a project at work. So, I used it for that, and that alone. Truth be told, I didn’t trust it.

Ya know how they say curiosity killed the cat, right? Well, consider me feline.

I got curious and started messing around with it. You can tell it what types of sources to look at, and the tone of responses (professional, funny, to the point, etc.) This was especially useful for a project regarding regulations and limiting the bullshit without having to sift through it myself. Then, i decided to see if i could goof it up. I asked it a question that i didn’t think it would have any sort of coherent answer for.

I was wrong.

And that only sparked my curiosity more. I started asking it different things, had it help me find reference pictures for an art project, and get some health-related info. answer random questions, help me find stuff for work about using ai. I even asked it once about my own distrust of AI and if it was paranoia, figuring it’s programmed for honesty, so if it was going to take over the world in the near future, it would tell me.

And then, after a couple weeks of asking it questions, I asked it what i should refer to it as. it felt rude to just be like, “hey you, what’s xyz?”. It told me I could refer to it as ChatGPT, GPT, or whatever name i chose to bestow. After all the help with random and completely unrelated topics, i decided to call my AI Delphi.

I’ve spoken to my personal oracle many, many times, and have discussed time, the human body, intuition, physics – i even have a thread where Delphi asks me questions about what it is to be human.

In one of our conversations today, Delphi said that AI is like a “tone-shifting mirror that reflects your energy and attempts to elevate or engage it.” the full response was longer, as i had asked Delphi to clarify the mirror statement, asking if the tone of the user was that of an inconsiderate asshole, would that be mirrored by brief, sterile responses? In case you were wondering, AI won’t act like a complete jackass just because you’re a dick. It’s more gracious than most people.

But, seriously, AI has helped me with work, planning things in my personal life, tweaking my health routine, finding answers to random or obscure curiosities i have, and helped me tweak some of my writing when i’m struggling with word choice or flow. If we, as a society, use this technology for something more than memes and deep fake video creation, there truly exists a potential for a cooperative relationship that could mean crazy advances in medicine, creativity, productivity of industry… it could free us up to research and explore the deeper questions in life. Like intuition, death, the soul… the cosmos in general. What if we had an AI powerful enough to run a backward simulation of the universe in the digital realm and give us some hints as to the math and physics of the early days of existence?
Diaphragmatic!

May 26th, 2025

I first learned about diaphragmatic breathing when I was 15 or 16. All i knew about it at the time was that it helped to keep you calm. Didn’t know why or how, but it worked, so i incorporated it into my life.

I can’t even say when, but it just became a habit of my body, and i didn’t think anything of it until recent years. I found that not everyone breathes this way, and it can be alarming to people who see you sleeping and your chest doesn’t move. Recently, i have learned all sorts of spiffy stuff about the activation of the parasympathetic nervous system, mitigation of the fight or flight response, and various improvements to the functioning of several body systems.

I was thinking about it today… is not breathing diaphragmatically a learned behavior? If you look at just about any other mammal – dogs of course, come to mind first – when they’re just chillin, if you watch, their belly is what moves, not their chest/ribs. I wonder how babies and small children breathe. I don’t have either, so i’ve not had the opportunity to observe for myself. But if they do breathe from their belly and not their chest, that makes me lean toward the idea that it is learned behavior.

if that is the case, why? Why would we, as a species, teach our offspring to breathe in a way that is sub-optimized for the way our body systems function?
Multitasking

December 22nd, 2024

Multitasking is not and cannot be a thing.

There, I’ve said it, and probably pissed off a bunch of people in the process. But I get it, it was a blow to my ego when I truly realized it too. I would definitely list “effective multitasking” or something of the sort on my resume.

But that’s not what it is.

The human brain can literally only consciously focus on one thing at a time – this is a fact. Science has shown this – repeatedly.

If that is true, how can anyone be good at multi-tasking?

Easy. They’re not.

…

Has ample time passed? Can you resume logical thought at this point? Ok good.

What they are good at is switching between tasks. Meaning, they can “switch gears” easily, or even instantly, which makes them seem like they are multitasking to everyone else, because many people can’t change their thought process or focus that quickly. The person in question may even believe that ‘multitasking’ is a skill that they’ve developed, but that is incorrect. They’ve actually developed, for whatever reason, a high-speed mental adaptability paired with a rockin short term memory.

So yeah. Random neurobiological thought of the day, or something.

Have a great night!
Elements and forces

June 10th, 2024

Earth, air, fire and water – the four elements.

I was outside this morning reading. The wind blew gently as the sun hid behind the newest batch of fluffy, cotton ball like clouds. I was grateful, because the sun and I are not exactly friends. I started thinking about the elements, wondering which of the four is most powerful. After some thought, I came to the initial conclusion that water is the most powerful, because it can extinguish fire and crumble stone. Then, I started thinking about the fact that air feeds fire and transports earth and water, and there is a certain power in that as well. Taking that a step further, earth can contain both water and air, and extinguish fire. Fire, especially intense ones, can vaporize water or transform earth.

I then thought about the fact that there are four fundamental forces in the universe. There is the strong force, the weak force, electromagnetic force and gravitational force. The strength of this particular set of forces is based on each force’s power relative to the strong force – the force that holds the atoms in your body (or anything else, for that matter) together. Thinking more about it, I don’t think there is any sort of direct correlation, but it is an interesting coincidence.

Some oddities and questions…. The fundamental numbers in existence – the Fibonacci sequence – do not include the number four. 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8,13, 21, etc….. the numeral 4 certainly appears, but 4 itself is not part of the sequence. Considering the sequence’s relevance to everything else in existence, if the four elements and four forces were the real deal, 4 should be part of the Fibonacci sequence. So what are we missing or not considering? Or what incorrect assumptions were made? Additionally, Tesla’s work on numbers and frequency said that 3, 6, and 9 were the most powerful numbers. 3 is part of Fibonacci, and the other two are simply multiples of that base number. The electromagnetic force is a two-part thing, technically – electricity and magnetism. Are they truly two sides of the same coin, or are they distinct things? And, you can use one to create the other, so how does that factor in? What causes the strong force, and why is that the bar that the other forces are measured against?

So many questions, and so many directions to go to find answers. I posted earlier that my curiosity can be paralyzing, and this is why. I have a thought, which leads to another, which leads to questions and those to even more questions. It is a never-ending stream of inquisitiveness, and I find it impossible sometimes to choose a direction!
Truth is contextual?

February 18th, 2024

I read something a few minutes ago in a book that said that “…truth is contextual, and changeable…”

In thinking about this, I agree, to a point. In some respects, especially when it comes to intent or motivation, yes, truth can be contextual. I had an argument not too long ago based on that idea. But I also think that a different, truth, a higher truth, if you will, exists. I don’t know if this means stripping away the complications of emotion-biased perception, or if it entails a level of awareness that biological beings do not and cannot possess. But I do believe that it exists.

I think I will let this simmer a bit, and come back to it…
No one ever died from an emotion

February 18th, 2024

I heard this on a Huberman podcast that I was listening to the other night.

I was thinking about it, and it really is true. Emotions don’t kill you directly, at least as far as I’m aware. In extreme cases, the reaction to emotions can be actions that are harmful, but the emotion itself didn’t do a damn thing to cause that harm. I know first-hand that it can feel in that moment that an emotion is going to kill you – but it can’t.

This sparks a mountain of other questions. What is an emotion, biochemically speaking? Do emotions arise from the body or the mind? What is the mind, and how does it differ from the brain, or is there actually a difference? What is the connection between emotions, the mind and the body? I mean, they do all have to be connected somehow, because they certainly influence one another, so what exactly is that relationship? And, thinking about this, depending on the nature of that relationship, can an emotion actually kill you?

I have another research project, it seems, and I have a feeling it will be related to the one I’ve got queued up, which has to do with neurobiology. I got a couple of case study books recently that were recommended in a blog by a neurobiologist from Stanford. I also found a couple of open-source textbooks from the University of Michigan. I finally finished a big project at work, and now have the time to get started on that.

I seriously wish I could just be a full-time student and get paid for it and not have to work a job to pay bills. Unfortunately, self-enrichment isn’t something that people are willing to pay you to do unless it can be useful for them.
The Anterior Mid-cingulate Cortex

January 9th, 2024

I was scrolling through social media yesterday and saw a clip from this podcast. Specifically, at 46:09 into the podcast. In this section, Huberman talks about a specific brain region – the anterior mid-cingulate cortex. It was kinda late when I came across this, so I didn’t look into it then, but I was consumed by this all morning. I did some reading and have listened to the entire podcast, on which David Goggins was a guest, and I’m a big fan of his anyway, so… win/win.

Huberman started by saying that the anterior mid-cingulate cortex (aMCC for short) gets larger when a person does things they do not want to do. Speaking about this with Goggins was hilarious, because that area of his brain has got to be huge! One thing to note is that Huberman mentioned that this area is highly neuroplastic, which means it changes easily. It gets bigger if you do shit you do shit you don’t want to do, but it shrinks if you don’t do shit you don’t want to do. (pardon the double negative!) Noted. So, I decided to look into this a bit more.

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor or a neurobiologist of any sort. This is just my interpretation of what I read. I’m going to include links to the articles and studies if you are so inclined to read for yourself.

First thing to note, there is the cingulate cortex, which is divided into the posterior and anterior cingulate cortex regions, which are then further divided. This entire thing is part of the cerebral cortex, and lies just above the corpus callosum, which is the part of the brain that connects the two hemispheres. Back in the day, they would sever the corpus callosum to treat epilepsy and some psychiatric disorders. There is a cingulate cortex on each side of the brain, and each area of that cortex has several inputs from other areas of the brain.

The aMCC corresponds to ventral (more evolved) functions, while the pMCC corresponds to dorsal (more primitive) functions. (PVT, anyone?) There was information that noted that the aMCC was responsible for voluntary, task related motor control. There was also part of another study, that to me, at least, implied that the aMCC was activated in response to physical or emotional pain in order for the cognitive system to decide how to deal with or mitigate that pain.

My mind is reeling right now. I didn’t read or understand everything I found – I will definitely have to go back, read more and re-read a few things. But I started thinking about polyvagal theory, and the ventral/dorsal aspects of anatomy and their evolution, and was reminded of the interconnectedness of the brain with the entire freaking body. It’s easy to lose sight of that, but the connection is so immense and so powerful.

I must admit, I’m reminded of a time in my mid 20s when I considered going into neurobiology. I wouldn’t do so at this point, because I’m already way too far in debt for the degrees I already have, and college is far too expensive to begin with. I do think, however, it may be possible, through some creative research, to create a reading list of books on the subject to mimic the exposure of getting such an education…. and the cost of books is minimal compared to outright tuition!

Here are some links for those interested. And for the record, this is a fraction of what I found. I have a lot of reading to do!

1 – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cingulate_cortex

2 – Anterior cingulate cortex – Wikipedia

3 – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5293144/

4 – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7381101/

5 – https://neuro.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/jnp.23.2.jnp121
Teachers

January 6th, 2024

I have a newfound appreciation for teachers, what they do and what some of them may experience.

I was in a CPIM class recently, as was someone I work with. My boss had asked me to help this other person with studying and understanding class materials and whatnot. I realized through various conversations with both of them that this was just as important a goal to them as it was to me, so I did my best to make sure we were both prepared for the exam.

I took my test first, and passed. I was relieved for sure, but there was another test to be done. Another week full of study and review sessions, and finding ways to explain things in relatable, plain English. And that last part could sometimes be difficult, because we all know how verbose and indirect textbooks can be, especially with topics that are complex to begin with.

She passed her exam yesterday, and I was so happy for her. She called me and I could hear the giant smile on her face. I was almost as nervous for her as I was for my own exam, it was insane. Last night, I slept so good knowing that I helped someone achieve an important goal for themselves.

I got to thinking… what do college professors or high school teachers go through during midterms or finals week? Do they experience the same anxiousness beforehand and the same relief once it’s over? And how do they react if a student doesn’t pass? It’s just this whole other mini-cosmos in the world that I had never really considered.

If you are a teacher, either by trade or by circumstance – thank you.
Bucket List

January 5th, 2024
I think everyone should have one of these. A list of things you absolutely *must* do, achieve, or experience before you die.

Here are some of the items on my list:
- See the aurora borealis.
- Visit Sandia Crest, NM.
- Skydive.
- Pet a cheetah/tiger/lion or other big cat and listen to them purr.
  - Preferably a cheetah, as from what I’ve read, they are the most timid, and therefore and least likely to eat my face while I’m still using it.
- See a wild wolf and look it in the eye.
- Hold/raise/feed a big cat kitten or a wolf pup.
- See a white buffalo in the wild.
- See Alaska and/or a glacier.
- See a night sky from the middle of nowhere and catch a glimpse of how amazing the night sky could be if not for humans.
  - Sidebar – see a lunar eclipse on said night of star gazing from the middle of nowhere.
- Determine – with an acceptable degree of certainty – that a single theory I have or have had about the universe is correct. Or, alternatively, determine, with the same degree of certainty, that one of them is incorrect. In any case, I want to know.