This makes no sense, but lots of people do it

Why is it that people engage in behavior that hurts them in response to
behavior from others that also hurt them?

Everyone has been there or witnessed it. You’ve been wronged by, pissed off by, or neglected/ignored by someone you care about. You reach for junk food. Or booze. Or drugs. Or a knife/razor blade. Or any other self-destructive coping mechanism, including simply shutting down. All of these things are harmful to you. You – the person you’re trying to protect or comfort or calm – this hurts you. Again. And it does nothing to address the problem. And contrary to the very emotionally inspired “I’ll show them!” mentality….it does nothing at all to vindicate or validate you.

I get it. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. Repeatedly. But that realization is pretty profound. Why the hell would I hurt myself in an effort to get back at someone who hurt me? That makes absolutely no fucking sense. I am a rational person; logic is a good friend of mine. I am incredibly baffled by the fact that I thought this way – for a very long time – and never realized the horrible logic involved!

I know what it is to be stuck there, and feel like this is your way out. But what if – just for shits and giggles here – we take a second to stop, and ask ourselves what we really want and if what we’re about to do will accomplish that goal? That is an immense ask, I know. But for anyone struggling with this kinda thing – take a second, whether in the moment or not, and ask yourself these questions. The answer may change you.