Letting go

Letting go of things that are not yours – a struggle, a responsibility, a priority; and letting go of things that no longer serve you – guilt, fear, a need for acceptance or attention, a drive to be perfect or productive – is certainly liberating. It creates a measure of freedom that some people have flat out never experienced.

It is also difficult as all hell.

We become, unwittingly, locked into certain patterns of behavior, some of which may have been absolutely necessary at some point to survive. And in that, they do serve a purpose. But, when that is no longer the case, being cognizant and mindful of those behaviors and being willing to allow them (and even encourage them) to fade, even though they do feel comfortable, is so important.

The difficulty comes, first and foremost, in stepping out of your comfort zone. This sucks. Your heart will race, the feelings that you anticipate coming from this situation will be amplified, and you will be completely uncomfortable in your own skin. But, if you power through, deal with the discomfort, and then evaluate the actual results of your new actions, it is quite possible (perhaps even likely) that you will be pleasantly surprised, not only by the outcome, but by how you feel and the energy that you possess at that point. It truly can be an empowering experience. And once you feel that, and decide that it is a good thing, that creates momentum to propel you forward into a new set of behavior that is more appropriate and beneficial for you. And if you decide that you do not like the results, you can go back to the drawing board and figure out a new set of actions that may give you results that you like. And let’s face it, if you are considering any of this, the old patterns don’t work for you.

The second part of the difficulty is being honest with yourself in evaluating the outcome of your new actions. Did this work the way you wanted it to? If not, what needs to change? Was the outcome better than it would have been with old behaviors? And by better, I mean better for you and your overall wellbeing. People may be upset with your new behavior. But is that worth it to you — to the you that you are trying to become? And any negative outcomes – are they truly negative outcomes, or something based on your assumption of someone else’s perception? The thing with this is that you have to be honest, but not let yourself slip into old mindsets during the evaluation process. To do so would only serve to fool yourself into maintaining self-destructive methodologies.

The fact of the matter is that change is possible, even if you have decades of patterns built up. It’s a matter of how much effort you are willing to put in to achieve that change.