Darkness

I prefer darkness to light.

This applies to light in the environment, humor, colors, and even mood. A certain level of darkness can prompt amazing thoughts and thought processes. It allows you to consider a side of things that “normal” people don’t.

I prefer dim lighting to bright lighting. There is just something about pre-dawn, dusk, and nighttime light levels that just calls to me. For the record, I hate driving at those times for various reasons, but they call to me mentally and emotionally, nonetheless. Given the choice, I go for warm, dim lighting. I do not like bright, cool light like you find in hospitals or the bright ass LED headlights. One of my favorite lights in the house when I was a kid was this lamp in the living room that had a special lightbulb that was turned on in stages, the third being the brightest. Even when reading, I would use the first level, and my mom and grandmother constantly gave me shit about that.

I enjoy dark humor. Laughing at mistakes, mishaps or just completely fucked up scenarios? That’s my thing. That’s how I function and manage to maintain what little sanity I have left. I have laughed at myself, shit I’ve done, or my situation countless times, because, why not? Laughing lowers stress levels, releases endorphins, endorphins reduce pain (both mental and physical), and help you focus on what needs to be done once the moment passes. Might as well feel good for a moment before diving back into the shit, right?

I prefer dark colors, blue and purple are my favorites. I love black, of course, but that’s not a color. I love gray too, but the darker slate type gray. And in general, I don’t do pink. I have owned one pink piece of clothing in my adult life, and it was a shirt that said, “oh crap, you’re gonna try and cheer me up now, aren’t you?” And this doesn’t just apply to wardrobe. My decor tends to be dark colors, as do my computer and phone screens. Even designing spreadsheets or presentations for work, I tend to opt for blues and grays. Sadly, I work for a company whose logo is bright fucking orange, so I can’t escape bright colors entirely in my professional life.

Now, the part that many people will take issue with – dark moods. This isn’t to say that we should all go around miserable and unhappy. Quite the contrary, actually. All I’m saying here is that moods that aren’t just sunshine and smiles and butterflies are preferrable to me, and feel more real in a way. Yes, I like to smile, and be happy and silly. But, I cherish those quiet, introspective moods, which most people perceive as dark or bad. I’m also building a relationship with my anger, and learning to put it to good use. Introspection, anger, even sadness can be powerful, provocative forces and inspire some truly amazing things. Most of my best artwork and writing was born during these types of moods. I prefer these moods because they fuel my mind and my inspiration, and that is something I truly enjoy, and it makes me happy at the end of the day.

I don’t know that this really had a point when I started writing, I was just inspired by something someone said to me, and decided to elucidate (to myself mostly) what their comment made me think of. If darkness makes you happy, embrace it. If you prefer light, embrace that. In either case, I think it’s important to embrace whatever makes you happy, regardless of if people understand it or not. They don’t have to. It’s your life.