Coincidence

I have witnessed a lot of these lately and I don’t quite know what to think about it.

There was a point in my life when I was absolutely sure that everything happens for a reason, and that coincidences were just subtle ways for the universe to prod you a bit or whisper in your ear, or some form of energy flow that some people could pick up on more than others. Everything in the world or in life had a purpose, it was just a matter of going with the flow to see what new adventures were in store. Now, I’m not so sure about any of that. But, either way, coincidences do happen, and I had gotten to a point where I just chalked it up to randomness and the simplicity of unrelated events (with related qualities) that happened at or around the same time. No big deal, right?

Lately though, it’s just too much, and something that I can’t seem to just shrug off.

I see a quote in one place while doing something, and then see the exact same quote somewhere else, while doing something completely different a few days later, and said quote is completely relevant to my life at that moment. Or, when I’m reading some stuff on discipline and ways to hone/improve it, and then come across a different quote that reinforces the value of being disciplined. A couple of times, I wrote a post or two about a particular topic, and then that same topic ends up being a prompt from Day One or the Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge. I mean – come on. Seriously? What gives?

Back in the day, I would have taken this as a sign that the universe was speaking to me; telling me that I was right the whole time and that everything does happen for a reason. And I would feel validated by that. Craving that validation, my mind starts to drift in that direction, but then, my logic kicks in and says, “But wait, is it really that? Or is that just what you want to believe, and you’re looking for an excuse to believe it? Look at the facts, the data, all the times that a thing was literally just a thing and there was no reason behind it. What about that?”

*sigh*

I don’t like this. I don’t like not being able to figure out the answer. Math? There’s an answer. Lots of ways to get there, perhaps, but there is a verifiable answer in any case. Physics (talking macro level mechanics here, not quantum theory) – there is an answer. If you add 2 plus 2, it is always 4. If you drop a 5lb ball from 120ft, you can figure out how long it will take to hit the ground, and that answer will be the same on paper or in practice. This shit, though? This has no right or wrong, no verifiable answer. No one that I know of in the history of humanity has ever really figured this shit out. If they have, they need to share with the rest of us! And if they died with that secret, shame on them!

Now, to be clear, I love searching for the answer. I love thinking, pondering, writing, researching, exploring, experimenting. I love solving problems and figuring out answers. But that gut wrenching feeling of what it would be and what it could mean to not find an answer, to never know? That’s the part I don’t like. I’ve never been ok with the idea of “it is what it is” or “that’s just life”. Fuck that. I want answers.

This actually reminds me of a Nine Inch Nails song… “I Do Not Want This” from Downward Spiral. Not really related to the topic here, but it popped in my head.

Anyway, back to the topic. Coincidence. I was just about to go to the dictionary and pull over some definitions, but I don’t know that that’s going to be helpful here. The definition of the word is not going to tell me why they happen, or why they seem to have personal significance. And so, I find myself right back to the same place I’ve been for months – years, really. Asking the question, “why” or “what’s the reason?” and having no solid answer, and no lead to finding one. It’s exhausting but invigorating at the same time. I just. I don’t know. I think I need to sleep on it some, maybe my dreams will inspire a different approach in the morning.

Until then…. good night!