Adjective Order – who knew?

I came across something the other day, and I was baffled by it….

First off, I don’t know if the bit about Tolkien is legit. That’s a potential investigation for a different day. Secondly, I was always a very good student, and I don’t remember ~ever~ being taught this order of adjectives, at least not explicitly. I mean, was this an actual thing and I just completely forgot but continued to utilize it on a daily basis? Or was it perhaps a more subtle, obscure teaching that nobody ever talks about? An unspoken rule?

I went digging. A web search offers lots of results – Grammarly, Khan Academy, Wikipedia, etc – a glance through the results list lead me to the Cambridge Dictionary site. Granted, it is British origin, but that’s where US English started, so that works for me as a starting point. Check this out: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/grammar/british-grammar/adjectives-order

Where did this required order come from? What’s the logic behind it? Who decided? Why was I never given a chance to question or argue the fact that I can have a beautiful big round metal table but that having a round metal big beautiful table is completely unheard of?! (For the record, writing that sentence was ridiculously awkward!)

Does the former of the two statements “sound” better? Yes. But why? Is it just because that order is what we’re used to? Why was this rule established? How is it that just about everyone who speaks English adheres to this rule, but no one can explain it? Why don’t people talk about it? Is it because the “order” is arbitrary and has no logic behind it? I am curious. I wish I could talk to my English 102 professor. He was hardcore into the language. He actually forbade anyone from using colloquial terms in his class because it disgusted him, as he considered informal terms to be a disservice to the language. He might know the answer, but I have no idea if or how I can contact him at this point.

Either way, it was a long day, and I’m tired, so this will have to sit on the mental back burner for now. Until then, have a wonderful evening!