Month: September 2023

My most valued trait – prompt

September 30th, 2023

What’s the trait you value most about yourself?

I don’t have one, per se. It’s a tie, and it is impossible to choose between them. At least, for me it is.

My intelligence is one, and the other is being empathetic.

Intelligence, rational thinking, problem solving – these things are all intertwined and have served me incredibly well in life.

Empathy and compassion lend themselves to kindness, which I believe is essential in life.

To hold both of these qualities in such high regard is interesting. A person can certainly have both, but often, it’s difficult to be both, especially in a single moment or situation. One is rational, fact based understanding. The other is irrational and emotionally driven.

Thinking about it, I suppose you could say that the trait I value most about myself is my capacity to strive for that balance.
What if sleep was optional?

September 30th, 2023

I have been through several periods of debilitating sleep deprivation. 2-3 hours per night and still had expectations to be fully functional during the day type thing. These were short lived periods for the most part – a week or so at a time. Because of something I wrote yesterday, I started wondering what would happen if sleep was optional?

At the end of any of these sleep deprived periods, I was shot, flat out. Cranky, irritable, couldn’t think straight, sometimes could barely speak without tripping over my own tongue. But what would happen – how would life be different – if our bodies didn’t require a certain amount of rest to function properly long term? What if I could take a 20 minute power nap twice a day and be optimally functional the rest of the time? No grogginess, no snippyness. Just normal you on minimal sleep?

I would imagine there would have to be some trade off if this were a reality. Shorter life span, most likely. After all, the human body is just a big electrochemical machine. Sleep as we know it is our scheduled maintenance.

Would you take that trade? I would be tempted. Depends on how much net time could be gained in the trade….something to think about.

Happy Saturday!
Three jobs prompt

September 29th, 2023

List three jobs you’d consider pursuing if money didn’t matter.

This one is easy. 😉

Writer/Artist (creative pursuits)

Physicist

Philosopher

If money ~and~ sleep didn’t matter, I would do all three!
Dirty Dancing and Indiana Jones

September 29th, 2023

Random memory time!

When I was kid, we had Dirty Dancing on VHS. My mom loved that movie, and so did my sister and I. We’d be enjoying the final scene, with the entire audience getting up to dance, Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey looking so in love with their arms around each other…. *sigh*

And then, enter VHS static, and the (very loud!) chorus line and dancing girls of “Anything Goes” in the opening scene of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Thanks to my half deaf dad for that one. I loved the Indiana Jones movies too, but the transition was hilarious and made my mom mad every single time!

Just a thing to share. No deep thoughts, hopefully just smiles for those who know the movies I’m talking about.

Have a great night and a fabulous weekend!
Damnit!

September 29th, 2023

Last night, as I was falling asleep, something crossed my mind that I wanted to write about, something that I thought would make a good blog post. I remember thinking, I should start a draft of this or send myself a text so I remember tomorrow and can actually write the piece. The comfortable, sleepy part of my mind said, “Nah, you’ll remember. We’ll think about nothing but that before we fall asleep, and you’ll remember first thing! Just relax, you had a shit day!” Did any of that thinking or remembering actually happen? No. Not at all. Not even a little. That lazy little piece of my brain hung on to that coziness and let me forget all about the inspiration! And all day, I had this nagging piece of my brain obsessing over it. “What the hell was that topic? I really wanted to write about that! It was a great idea!” Suffice it to say that I won’t be doing that again the foreseeable future, even if it means getting less sleep.
Conversation and things to consider

September 28th, 2023

I had a conversation today that involved and led to some pretty interesting things, the first of which was a question. If you read this blog often enough, you know that I’ve written a few posts lately pondering the reason for human existence and such. The question was this – am I ok with the fact that I may never have an answer to that question? That I may have to take a stand and come to my conclusion with insufficient or incomplete information? The answer to that, in short, is a resounding no. Actually, “Hell no” is probably more appropriate. I am not ok with having a question that I will or may never have an answer to. I never have been. I think that’s the drive behind these posts. I’m searching for the answer, and talking myself through the logic and the available data. It’s what I do.

I should also add that I need to have answers that I can understand. Not necessarily agree with, but understand the reasoning or logic behind. That’s part of the reason I lost faith in God. I had a question when I was younger, and the only answer I could get was, “It is God’s will.” or, “God works in mysterious ways.” These answers, to me, were bullshit. Flat out. Because I needed to know why, and the only answer I could get is because some dude I never met who has more control over my life than I do wanted it that way, or because said dude was doing some straight up sneaky shit and fucking with my life in the process. Even before that, I always had to understand the answer. It has to make sense to me. I’ve driven some people in my life crazy with that.

Anyway, back to the question from today. No, I’m not ok with that, but on a side note, who says I have to come to a conclusion with incomplete data? I don’t have to do that. I have signed no contract, there’s no gun to my head. I can search for and think about this question until the end of my days and if there is no point at which I can comfortably come to a conclusion, so what? What happens? I die with a question on my mind. Big fucking deal. I can tell you this though, if that ends up being the case, I will not die with the regret of never searching for the answer.

Another interesting thing that came up today was a theory. This is a theory that is intertwined between neurology and psychology mainly, but takes tangents into cardiology, gastroenterology, and evolution. I’m talking about something called polyvagal theory, or PVT. I’ve done limited reading on this, but after today’s conversation, will be doing more. The human body has, according to accepted science up to this point, two main components of the nervous system. There’s the sympathetic nervous system, responsible for the “fight or flight response” that we’ve all heard so much about. Then there’s the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the opposite set of functions, also known as “rest and digest”. These two systems work to keep your body in balance. Being chased by a lion? Ok. Sympathetic nervous system kicks in, pumps out adrenaline and cortisol, increases heart rate and helps you run for your life. Made it to a tree or cave or the lion gets fed up and stops chasing you? Awesome. Parasympathetic nervous system takes over, calms you down and lets you rest for tomorrow’s adventure.

Polyvagal theory, at least from what I’ve read so far, further divides the parasympathetic nervous system into two branches. The dorsal vagal system and the ventral vagal system, dorsal related to the back and ventral related to the front, belly or underside. The dorsal vagal system is related to not only the “rest and digest” function, but also the “freeze” response – the deer in headlights. The ventral vagal system is responsible for components of social interactions, and actually has a hand in regulating the “fight or flight response” of the sympathetic nervous system via these social responses. Now, there is much much more to this than what I’ve said. Again, limited reading so far. But, fascinating, nonetheless. (Side note. Apparently, there is information in the literature that says that the dorsal vagal system is the most primitive, which actually makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint, because the first component of the complex nervous system to evolve was the chordata, which evolved to and is known in human and mammalian anatomy as the spinal cord, where all of our reflexes and other involuntary responses come from.)

Finally, part of this conversation about the parasympathetic nervous system led to a discussion of the fact that I rarely take enough time to rest, and almost never take a vacation. True statements, though I’m actively working on rectifying the first part, at least. I went through some stuff a couple of months ago that has prompted a great deal of my current thought process, and to be honest, I’m grateful for what happened and the changes it’s bringing about.

I think that’s enough rambling for now, I need sleep and have to work in the morning, like so many other people.

Have a great night!
Observation is underrated

September 28th, 2023

I have noticed something about the world we live in. In most situations, everyone likes to talk, everyone wants to be heard, and I get that. If I have something to say that I feel is important or would bring a smile to someone’s face, I want to be heard as well. But there is certainly something to be said for simply observing.

Because of my personality, I am not one to speak over other people or raise my voice in most cases. This gives me a good deal of time to listen, and to observe those around me. Taking advantage of that opportunity is not something that a lot of people do, but it can offer some interesting insights into the behavior of other people, especially if you do so repeatedly with the same groups of people. This can be especially interesting in professional situations where you don’t necessarily know someone the way you do your friends.

Next time you are with other people, try sitting back and just observing. You may be surprised at what you are able to notice.
How much have you spent on tattoos?

September 27th, 2023

I was at dinner the other night, and someone asked me this question. Turns out, it is a trick question, even though the person asking didn’t know that.

The factual, accounting answer is about $2k. The reason it’s a trick question is because first of all, a lot of the tattoos I have, I got almost 20 years ago, and ya, know – inflation and all that. Secondly, I spent time as a tattoo apprentice and artist, and got a few pieces done for free by other artists at the shop I trained/worked at, in addition to one I did myself during said apprenticeship. So, she asked me how much would you have spent? I don’t know the answer to that, but I’d have to say about $4k.

Now, that’s not including piercings, of course. I started wondering how much I’ve spent on body mod in general. Factoring piercings in, I’d say I’ve probably had around $6k worth of body mod done, not making any adjustments for inflation crap, cause I’m not in the mood for all the time value of money calculation stuff right now.

I never had a tattoo removed, but I have since let many of the piercings close, for various reasons. I do not, however, regret a single piece of work I’ve had done.

Body mod is a beautiful art form and I absolutely love that it’s something that you can walk around with. It’s art that can be enjoyed and appreciated in every day situations, not just in a museum or gallery. (Similar to music, by the way!) Body mod is there when you walk down the street or go to the doctor or grocery store. It is art and self expression that is always with you, and I think that is fucking phenomenal.
Maynard James Keenan

September 26th, 2023

I love this man’s vocals and lyrics. I have an entire playlist dedicated to his music. TOOL being my favorite of the three bands (and in general) – his words and voice just inspire and soothe my soul.
The Point – Continued (p3)

September 25th, 2023

Part 3 (read part 2 here)

The second installment of this – whatever it is – brought me to the question that I truly want an answer for. Is there a justification for human life, or is it a random occurrence? I got to thinking (big surprise).

Human beings are animals. We fit nicely into the scientific classification system of taxonomy. (Fitting in to that system makes sense, because we developed it, but that’s not what I’m getting at.) Many people assume that they were born to do something specific. That could be living a life of service and charity. Or being a famous singer and songwriter. Or being a teacher. Or being a doctor. Many people believe they have a purpose, that they exist for a reason. That they have some grand goal that they must achieve in life. Some people know when they are a little kid what they are going to do with their lives. Some people spend their lives trying to figure out what their purpose is.

What I’m getting at is, what if that’s not the case? What if we don’t have some grand, predestined purpose? I mean, look at other animals. Other animals don’t have the media that we do so they can get “famous” outside of their own territories. They don’t have the resources to heal many things that they deal with. Yes, they have teachers in a way, within a pride or a flock or what have you. Most certainly don’t have the means to travel like we do, and even those who do, don’t. They stick to their routes, their migration patterns. Many people would argue that animals don’t have a purpose other than some serving as food for humans or being something spiffy to look at. What makes humans so special? Why do we get a purpose and other animals don’t?

It’s just not making sense. I’ve had these thoughts, I felt I had a purpose. I was one of those people who was going to spend their whole life figuring out what that purpose was. I thought I knew, and then it turns out I was wrong. And I thought I knew again, and then wrong again. Third time rolls around, and I decide I’ll just “see what the universe has in store”. But what if there’s nothing in store? What if our purpose in life is simply to exist and experience as much life as possible for this brief moment of time? After all, a human life span on the time scale of the universe is less than miniscule. How have we come to believe that in the scope of the existence of the universe, something that amounts to 0.000000584% of that time is somehow significant in the grand scheme of things? (Do the math – 80 years divided by 13.7 billion years x100)

To be clear, I am not saying that human life in general is insignificant. Every individual that has, does, or will exist is the result of a statistical miracle. Every life is precious. What I’m saying is that I am questioning the idea that individuals have some innate purpose for their lives, assigned or bestowed by something other than themselves. That there is some sort of external expectation that we have an obligation to meet.

What if… I mean, there are tons of belief systems and theories about this. I’ve read about many of them. But what if they are all wrong? What if it really boils down to the fact that a person exists only because random chance happened to create them? No purpose, no reason, no motive – no external orchestrator of our lives. Just a giant cluster fuck of randomness resulting in the person staring back at you in the mirror. No expectations to meet, other than your own. No goals, no priorities. Other than your own. No people to please. Except for yourself.

The implications of this thought are both terrifying and exhilarating.