Regrets

Response to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge.

I want to die having lived a life with no regrets, but sadly, I can’t say that will be the case. The number of regrets I have are small, I suppose, but the weight on my heart and soul can be immense at times.

Regret 1 – I let my best friend suffer when I had the power to stop that from happening. I will not explain the details, as I think it would come off as justification, and that’s not the goal here. The fact is, I regret the decision I made, and given the chance, I would go back and make a different choice.

Regret 2 – I chose to let my dog die alone. The vet asked if we wanted to be there when it happened, and I could not fathom being there for that. I couldn’t bring myself to watch her life end. But thinking about it now, I should have been there to comfort her so she could see my face in her last moments and know that I loved her, even if she didn’t recognize me. I will never let that happen again.

Regret 3 – Perhaps this should be number 1, but 3 works, because that is a powerful number. I have spent the majority of my life taking last place in my own list of priorities. I realize that this is not healthy, not sustainable, and part of the reason that I have dealt with so many issues over the years. I have also been actively making efforts to change that, but it’s harder than I imagined it would be, not only because of my own reaction, but the reaction of other people to the changes in my behavior. It is often difficult to know how to navigate that dynamic.

I suppose regrets about the past are just as useless as worries about the future if you really think about it. The past is done, there is no way to go back and change it, and even if you could, would you be prepared to accept the consequences? All you really have from the past are memories. The future isn’t here yet, we have no idea what it will hold, and technically speaking, it will never actually arrive. All you have in this situation is either hope or worry. The only thing that we can do is to learn from the past and try not to repeat the things that we regret once the future becomes the present moment.

I guess what it boils down to is that regret is a tool, and worry is a trap. The present moment is the only thing that we reliably have control over, and even then, that control is only over ourselves. Do with that what you will.